I’m feeling regret at harnessing myself to writing my blog every day. I know it is good for me though, so I will keep trying to do it.
I’m feeling regret at the fact that I can’t think of anything to say.
Today I am anxious.
I came, I conquered.
Bipolar
Saturday!
Today has been a pretty good day. I’ve been hanging with hubby and just having a general good time. Today I can say that I am happy.
I also got to visit with my sis-in-law. I love it when she comes over, it breaks my week up.
Tonight I am having olive garden at home with hubby, it might even be romantic, who knows.
Missed A Day Dammit!
I have an alarm that goes off every day to remind me to do my blog. Some days I don’t need it but apparently yesterday I did because I forgot to write. I’ll try not to beat myself up over it. It’s only one day.
Today I don’t really have much to write about honestly. Not much going on. The allergens are so bad right now that my head feels like a swollen balloon! Least my headache seems to be lighter than the one I had yesterday.
I’m not depressed today but I’m not exactly happy either cause I feel kind of crappy. Hard to be happy about that. I can smile though and laugh at things so that is definitely heading in the right direction.
Family Night
Tonight is family night. I love it when my mother-in-law and sister-in-law come over for dinner and a visit. I try to do it weekly but it hasn’t happened since St. Patrick’s day. No fucking wonder I’ve been feeling so lonely.
My sister-in-law is pretty awesome. I love hanging out with her. We talk and do artsy things together. Usually there is wine involved.*wink*
Anyhow I’ve been having a rough day but now it’s getting a little bit better.
One Thing At A Time
Today my husband tried to tell me that I was going to go to the store with him. Turns out he is concerned about me. I didn’t even realize. I just kind of figured he was into his own shit and didn’t notice just how fucked up I’ve become. He’s a wonderful husband, just not very aware of whats going on around him. If I decided to put make up on he wouldn’t notice unless my lips were whore red. He’s a man, what can you expect.. just kidding no one get uptight about it.
I didn’t want to do anything again today, but I had a shower. That’s a big one for me, especially when I am alone in the house. I usually ask hubby to talk to me while I am doing it.
As soon as it gets a bit warmer I am gonna have hubby take me for a walk every day, there is a dirt road I can see from my upstairs window and I’m very interested in exploring it.
Til tomorrow.
No Motivation
I absolutely hate that I have no motivation to do anything today. I did pick up a few pieces of trash that needed to get thrown out but that’s about all I’ve done with my day.
I’m still trying to be easy on myself. So I lay in a sunbeam like my dogs and sucked up some Vitamin D, get some help with the depression. It’s getting better but I am really looking forward to having some motivation again.
Half the time I just feel lost…
Less Than
Today I am less than depressed. Not happy but not as down as I have been either. So I guess it’s a tiny win.
Today I will be going out for the first time in at least a week because I have to pick up my Latuda. I really need to talk to my shrink about increasing the dosage. It might help the repeat cycles of depression that seem to be getting closer and closer together again. It makes it so hard to live a normal life.
Today I actually did some cleaning and sat through a whole movie. Which if anyone knows what depression is like makes these rare positive things. Hopefully this means my cycle is swinging the right way for a change!
A Better Day?
I’m feeling slightly better today. I don’t know if it’s real though. I did my normal Saturday wake n bake.
I feel less heavy though. It feels like I have been given a little room to breath. Just a little but the air is wonderful. It gives me some hope that I can slide back to the other side of the see-saw.
I woke up and started painting almost right away. I have things in my brain that need to come out apparently. Oh it would be so lovely if I could have a hypo-manic episode, I could get so much shit done. Right now I’m ignoring that stuff and waiting until I feel better to do anything about it. Unless I get motivated.
Motivation would be nice.
Tired of Feeling Like Crap
I realize I haven’t been sick all that long or I’ve been sick for a very long time. It’s confusing. I have intestinal issues but I have IBS plus sometimes it just acts up when I am stressed. I find it very tiring non the less.
I’m trying to find a way out of the circle I’ve made for myself. Working on a painting. Hopefully that will give me a little boost when it’s done. Just trying to give myself a positive thing to do every day, even if it’s just a little.
I’m feeling less depressed today than I did yesterday though, which makes me semi-smile.
:}
Listen To The Music
Trying hard to be easier on myself. I’m still smoking the weed, but I will be out in a couple days and will decide if I will get more then not now.
I’ve been up feeling like shit physically and it’s dragging me down. So I decided to put on some music and see if that would help. Funnily enough it did. I always forget the positive effect that music has in my life.
I put on some up beat dance music and even danced a little as I sang my favorites at the top of my lungs. It definitely helped some of my anxiety, well until I thought about it too much.
Does music affect your moods?
A Bipolars Reality 