Took us all damn day to get here but we arrived in Dallas. I’m really nervous about being alone in the room all day but I think I can handle it ok.
Not going to write much tonight but I will say since my doctor told me to stop taking the clonidine (sp?) that I am feel emotionally better. I’m not happy happy yet, but I’ve had no negative moodlets pop into my head.
Will write more tomorrow.
So tomorrow we start our 9-10 hour drive to Dallas.
The good news is that I love road trips. I love to see new places and my anxiety doesn’t always hinder me. In fact sometimes I am even more relaxed because I don’t feel the pressuresIdo where I live. The only thing I am really nervous about is meeting my best face-to-face.
The bad news is we got 6 inches of standing snow. We have to leave for the airport to pick up our rental car and our back wheels have no tread. We’ll likely have to ask MIL to take us and then we will need her to pick us up as well. She hates driving on the freeway/highway so I’m not sure she can even do it.
We have zero choice in going, so it should be an interesting morning tomorrow. As long as we’re safe I’m good, but I have a feeling that I am going to be holding onto the door handle with white knuckles for the first part of the trip.
I’m still looking forward to it though.
Well today I have officially been writing my blog every day for a year!! WOOT!!
I didn’t think I could ever do anything for this long and I plan to keep doing a daily post. I just won’t feel guilty if I miss a day or two when I move into our home.
My mood today is kind of meh. I seem to be stuck here. I didn’t really accomplish anything yesterday and today I am aching all over. I have a feeling I am getting a cold again!
I get to visit with my BFF when I go to Dallas, it will be the first time we meet face to face. I’m excited and nervous about it. We’ve known eachother about 12 years now so I don’t know why I am afraid of.
I’ll be spending most of my time alone in a hotel room but at least I get to sleep with hubby instead of being by myself for 4 nights. Plus I love a road trip, over 9 hours driving to get there and another 9ish hours back. Bonus.
Yesterday my husbsand told me he had to go out of town for 4 days for a business trip. I was numb. I didn’t want to be seperated from him, He’s my rock, my reason for living. He helps me survive.
When I found out he was going to Dallas I suggested that we drive and I go with him. He said he would talk to his boss and see if it was possible they would rent a car for us instead of him having to fly, on paper it was even cheaper!
This morning I woke up with an ache in the pit of my stomach. Yet when I talked to Jim he informed me that he could take me on the trip and we would start the drive down Monday. I’m nervous because there might be dinners and I might have to meet people but I’m also excited even though I will be stuck in a hotel room for 3 days while he works.
We’ll see which one wins.
I’ve been asking hubby to take me to Red Lobster for several weeks now. Even though he doesn’t really like any kind of seafood he finally decided to take me today. I ordered this dish that has everything, shrimp, crab and lobster thinking hell ya this is gonna be awesome. I remembered loving lobster and I normally dig shrimp. However I hated the lobster. I thought it was fishy and gross. I did love the crap legs though, talk about a lot of fun and damn tasty.
Today started off horribly, I bawled my eyes out for about 20-30 mins and ranted and raved because of how lonely and unhappy I have been during the week when no one is around. I passed blame for my boredom and unhappiness. I yelled and sobbed. I apparently had a lot to get off my chest. It started off as just a bad mood and then hubby poked and prodded until he finally made me break down. I needed to do it. I was holding everything in and just feeling more hate-filled and resentful and it was all towards my MIL.
I love her, but I can’t paint and I am tired of living in her house and feeling like I can’t be me. It just gets to be a bit much. I got a new game tonight though and had some fun finally. Sims 4, living other peoples lives! Hubby is going to talk to her about me being able to paint in the dining room again. Hopefully it will happen cause I really feel the need to create.
Tomorrow I plan on going out and doing some photography. I’m not sure where yet, but I hope to get some lovely pictures. I’ll post anything I really like.
Right now I feel relaxed, that’s the way I am gonna try and stay. We’ll see…
Today we went out to the house and the cabinets were up! It’s really starting to look like a house. However it seems like they are sitting on their asses when they should be working. We should have had a move in date of Feb 10th. Really there was no reason is couldn’t happen except the exceptional amount of time that the house sat there with no one doing anything. I hate fucking waiting.
As you can see I am a little annoyed. Checking my email every hour like a crazy person waiting to hear from the company that it is 45 days until our closing date and hearing nothing is just pissing me off at this point. I want to be in my house dammit. It’s been almost half a fucking year I have been living with my mother in law and it is going to be over that when we finally do move into the house.
I swear I am gonna turn into a hermit for the first few months and just relish the moments I am having in my house.
Til now I guess I will just go insane waiting. Can you go crazy from being impatient? Guess we’ll find out.
Today is the first day that my husband and I have had alone since the last time we went to a hotel. I’m bored but happy. I’m glad to have the house to ourselves and be able to watch whatever I want, yet there really is nothing to do since all our stuff is in storage.
Today hubby said he thought I might have ADHD because I am unable to sit and do anything for more than 10-15 mins at a time. Maybe he is on to something. I’ll talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see her Thursday for a med update. I am sure she is going to find the mood stabilizer to be the more important of things right now anyhow.
I actually am looking forward to going back on a mood stabilizer now that the Latuda seems to be working better. I hope it stays that way. Meds and me have a weird way of interacting.
Anyhow that was my day, not really that much to write about.
Happy New Year Everyone! Who would have thought that we would have made it to another year. I certainly was questioning whether or not I was going to.
Tonight has been filled with the fun and noise of family. Lots of kids and adults all talking, plus music and dogs barking. Add in the PS4 on surround sound and it is way to over stimulating for my bipolar brain. I promised myself I can deal with it until midnight as I want to see the new year in with hubby and the people I love.
So I hope you are all feeling hopeful about your health in the coming year. I know I am.
Hugs all around!
Today I had a lovely day with my husband. The day started off with little excitement but the promise of a few short hours together. I was happy with it.
We had to go out and get wrapping paper for my SIL’s birthday tomorrow so we headed out into the sunshine and went to Target. After shopping at target we didn’t feel any urge to go home so we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart to dream about and price the furniture we want and need for our new home. Even though we can’t buy anything now it is fun to go out and enjoy looking at this and that.
After that we went out to lunch, the normal Italian place we went to was closed down for a while so we ended going to Olive Garden which we haven’t been to in years. It was nice to finally eat a salad. Not something we normally do but it was delicious and fun and my anxiety was actually minimum.
We got home a little over 4:00 and got to finally have some close intimate time. Shortly there after I feel into a deep sleep which was supposed to just be a doze but hubby let me sleep way to long and when i woke up weren’t alone anymore. Makes me a little sad.
Yet we had a good day filled with holding hands and laughter. 😀
So Mom’s husband is gone but now my FIL is here until Friday. So that means out of 11 days hubby and I will have 3 alone.. 3 you say? Yes tomorrow we actually will have some time alone. MIL and FIL are going over to SIL for a visit. The rest of the week will be celebrating SIL’s birthday, New Years Eve and also a lot of football.. ugh
My mood is okay, we got an email from the people building our house that we might hear about closing in a week or two. We basically close 45 days after we hear. So I am hoping it is a week opposed to two. Yet it is wonderful that we are getting closer to getting into our home. We walked through it again today as we showed MIL and FIL how it looks with actual walls and such. It gave me a nice warm feeling.
For some reason when the new year and Christmas are around I get paranoid. I worry that there is going to be some holiday catastrophe. I don’t know why. I just have always been that way. This year things have been a little different. I still have that lingering worry in the back of my head but I’ve also been able to enjoy moments.
My mood today is middle of the road, not bad but not good. I’ve been able to joke and smile though so that is a plus. I’m worried the depression is going to come again. I hope it stays away a little longer than it normally does. After all it always stays around longer than most of my other moods, it only seems fair.
Honestly the only thing I really want it time alone with my husband. That isn’t asking for much. Can’t wait for tomorrow.
A Bipolars Reality 