My mood is still down. I know that it is chemical and messing up my meds didn’t help. It’s really frustrating.
I hope that things pick up again soon, after all the stress of moving and living with MIL I think I deserve a little joy .. we’ll see though.
Tomorrow I have an appt with my shrink hopefully she’ll have some insight.
Well I have some great news! We got the closing date on the house. So Feb 26th I probably won’t be posting that day or the next, but moving into a house and not having internet is a really good reason to not post. 😀 I’m absolutely thrilled that there is an end date finally.
I went to my shrink and we talked about trying topomax but because I am sensitive to medications she checked out interactions and apparently it interacts  with two of the medications I am taking. So we talked about depakote, lamictal and lithium. I decided to try the lithium again. Depakote causes weight gain and I had a horrible time withdrawing from lamictal so this is where it stands.
Lithium worries me, but honestly I’m at a point where if I can stop the mood swings I am going to give it  a try again. I was so depressed on it before I wouldn’t have been able to tell if it was working or not.
I’ll do the research I need to so I don’t mess it up and try not to stress about it.
Does anyone remember what some of the lithium interactions with regular meds are? thanks!
I got nothing to write, I am sad. I can’t think of anything but the infinite span of sadness that envelops our world. I’ll do better tomorrow, until then here is a picture of me. At least it turned out nice.
I want to cry, I want to break down, I want to remove this fucking mask that I am wearing.
I’m tired of putting on a happy face so that people don’t realize that I am bat shit fucking crazy.
I thought about throwing myself down the stairs today, that would have been painful. Yet is seemed like a good idea. Obviously not good enough to go through with.
Tomorrow Jim will be at work and I’m afraid.
I’m afraid a lot these days. I drank three days in a row. I am not drinking today which is something. Each day, right?
4 days until therapy and likely a new round of pills, fingers crossed.
I have no idea what time I woke up but I slept for a few hours. I decided that I was going to go the doctors even if it made me super anxious. I had questions and insecurities to deal with.
I forgot to eat before we left so my stomach was understandably churning and I kept telling myself that was why I was nauseated. One of the things about my social anxiety is fears of throwing up in front of people. You can say the doctor is the best place to throw up but for me that just doesn’t click. Anyhow I was only in the waiting room for about 5 minutes before I was taken to room. I was honestly surprised since I was a walk-in.
The nurse was not really that friendly though he was a bit of eye-candy. Would have been cuter if he was friendly. He did the whole blood pressure and temp thing which I was pleased was fairly normal. Then I waited for close to an hour for a doctor to come and see me.
I have hay fever. It’s making my eyes, ears, nose, throat and a couple other places messed up. So I guess I’ll be adding some over the counters to my daily regimen.
Anyhow that was pretty boring right..
*if you are under 18 don’t read below*
I have this thing that happens every so often and it is honestly really remarkable but I wanted to make sure that it didn’t mean something was wrong with me. This morning I woke up to an intense orgasm. *look ma no hands*. My body just did it to itself. I knew it happened to men but apparently it can happen to women too. This is the 4th time this has happened. I’m sharing because well do I not share what’s going on with my day. Also it started my day off in a good mood for a change. Not sure if it will last but I can say what a nice way for it to start LOL.
I was up until at least 6:00am hubby stayed up with me while we started watching Arrow.. Good show so far. He got pissed at me though cause every five minutes I would ask him to scratch my back. I’m itchy. Not so bad right now but I am trying to learn to moisturize and maybe wear sun screen since I already have a horrible scar on my back from skin cancer..  I’ll show it sometime.. anyhow.. ya that was my long ass day.
I’m happy, thrilled, loving life.. I know it’s not real but that doesn’t mean I am not going to enjoy it. I am excited about the new regimen though. I could do without the head/body aches from going off the lamictal though.
I worry about taking new drugs, I always have this fear of having an allergic reaction, I mean we are literally a five minute walk to the emergency room so I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about it.
I have been a little itchy but I was itchy before I started taking medication. Honestly the sun makes my skin itch and it was hot, made me sweat.. I have to remind myself of these things otherwise I might stop taking the one thing that might make a difference in my future.
The new shrink called today to tell me my blood tests were fine and ask how I was doing and also to ask permission to talk to my old one. I told it was fine but that I was never honest with her about how crappy I was feeling. I don’t know why. I just happen to usually be in mid upswing when I saw her and didn’t think about talking about the way things were before that. Plus she was always so pleased to think I was doing well.
3 days until we leave for Vegas and honestly I am so excited. We may hardly leave the room but being in a clean place, no dogs, and having food delivered at any hour.. who wouldn’t want that. I’ll have to go to mom in law’s wedding but that shouldn’t take too long and if I am lucky I will get enough courage to at least go play the slots for a couple hours..
Slots are probably not the best thing for me to do but it is less addictive for me then shopping..
I bought a coloring book and a wedding card online and it gave me a little thrill which honestly is just ridiculous don’t ya think’?
A Bipolars Reality 