Weed

Just A Little Interaction

Just a little interaction helps improve my mood. Also my little friend came with that interaction so I am much more relaxed than I have been in days.

I’m still trying to figure out what to do about making a difference but I’ll figure it out. I think that I might just give up meat for starters. I know it would require some serious discipline but I think I can do it. I just can’t stand it anymore.

I do have a new art project I thought of that I think might turn out interesting, if I like it I’ll post a picture of it. Today I’m painting though. I’m trying to paint a flower. Not realistic or anything just something that I like. It’s going OK so far.

Wanted to do my blog before my alarm today, it always makes me go ugh even if I end up enjoying the writing.

 

So Pissed Today

I’m in such a bad mood and I’m angry. I have no idea why, well other than my dealer sucks right now..

Supposed to be family night but mom in law is watching the niece and sis in law hasn’t shown or answered my text. Nothing is going right today.

I could punch someone.. Actually I am going to go and punch the shit out of my punching bag. later…

 

Stressed Out

I’ve been kind of blocking the fact that hubby is leaving Monday for 5 days. Today he brought it up and now I’ve been obsessing about it. I’m so glad my mom in law is coming to stay with me. I don’t know that I could do 4 whole days with no outer contact. I was trying to listen to music but it seemed like every song that came on had something to do with missing someone. I got teary and shut the music off.

The new weed is not that great. It makes me over eat and makes me just want to lounge. I prefer something that keeps my body moving.. ah well.

I’m gonna go spend time with hubby while I can.

Ahead This Time

I actually thought about writing my blog without using the alarm! Hopefully this will become a good habit again.

How am I feeling today? I honestly don’t know. I am motivated enough to shower and wash the dog. (two for one deal) I was able to eat a little already which is good. Lately I have just such a hard time eating. I know it is all in my brain though. I just have to be tougher than it for a change. Eating when you don’t want to is just very difficult. I’m not exactly nauseated. It’s really hard to describe.

My mood is good. My anxiety is middle of the road. I try not to think about it too much. Thinking about my anxiety makes me more anxious. Stupid huh?

So far today has been kind to me with the hot flashes. I am hoping my body is getting used to the Latuda.

Still missing my weed though. I didn’t realize just how much it helped with things like anxiety and eating.  Tonight I should be able to get some more though.  I wish I lived in Colorado.

Family Night This Week

Tonight everyone is actually coming. They’ll be no booze or weed for me, so I’ll have to deal with it somehow else.

I don’t even feel like cooking honestly. I’m kinda of just sad. I thought I could talk my husband into getting the 160.oo but he stuck to his guns for a change. Frustrating!

I’ll let you know how it all goes over.

Last Day For Weed

Today I finished off the last of my weed and I’m not going to buy anymore until I see if the meds the doctor are adjusting are actually going to help or not.  I also gave up drinking alcohol. Gonna take this with my own brain.

I have to admit I’m a little scared. I love being able to zone out and listen to music and just not think about anything.

Now my classic whatif’s will start.  Let see how tomorrow turns out for starters.

Blahbity Blah

Today I have been in an ok mood. Not super happy, but definitely not depressed.

I’m still feeling very unmotivated. I don’t want to do anything but get high and listen to music.

I think that’s what I’ll do with my evening.

 

I’ve Been Sick For Months

I have had a lot of bottom problems and vomiting and the inability to want to eat anything. If I smoke weed I can eat. However this is yet another weedless day.

I’ve been avoiding it, hoping it would fix itself but now I’ve actually made the Dr’s appt to get checked out on Monday. I likely won’t learn anything then but getting the ball rolling is what I need to do.

I may be terrified of people but I’m more terrified of dying and for a depressed person to say that means I still got some fight..

Tomorrow is my shrink appt so Fists up.

Anxiety Galore

Today has not been a good day for me. I’ve had a lot of anxiety. I mean a lot. I have tried to keep my mind occupied but it only works for a short period of time and then it creeps back. I forced myself to go out for a walk with hubby to burn some of my extra anxiety. It helped for a little bit.

I’m annoyed and sad and actually a little angry for feeling like shit all the time.

Have I mentioned that sometimes I get so in my head that I can’t eat. I find everything disgusting. I don’t even want sweets. The good news is I’m down on my weight, the bad news is I can only really eat when I”m high. I didn’t smoke today so I can’t eat.  This is probably only the fourth or fifth time I’ve gone a day without smoking but it really makes a difference. I can tell because today I haven’t smoked a thing. I want to but I want to prove that I don’t need it. Know what I mean?

Tomorrow’s got to be a better day,

Listen To The Music

Trying hard to be easier on myself. I’m still smoking the weed, but I will be out in a couple days and will decide if I will get more then not now.

I’ve been up feeling like shit physically and it’s dragging me down. So I decided to put on some music and see if that would help. Funnily enough it did. I always forget the positive effect that music has in my life.

I put on some up beat dance music and even danced a little as I sang my favorites at the top of my lungs. It definitely helped some of my anxiety, well until I thought about it too much.

Does music affect your moods?