Month: November 2014

Agitated and Annoyed

Everything is pissing me off. I am super annoyed at almost everyone. (cept hubby) I just am an angry, grumpy, pissy sick person. Some of the agitation is got good reason but is made worse by me feeling off.

I love painting and the fact that I have to move it off the table for 2 wholes months for two meals just pisses me off. The table has gotten used more by me then anyone. Taking it away from me is kind of mean. It was suggested that I could go down into the creepy basement to paint.. ugh no, did I mention that the basement is creepy.

Apparently that has been simmering below the surface. I feel like I am living in a damn foster home where I can only really do anything in my room. Everywhere else I need to maintain a calmness that is not there and I need to not do anything fun.

Needless to say that I am annoyed. ANNOYED.

Anyhow that is my life right now.

So Much, So Little

We went into the house tonight and the entire outer frame was done, you could see where everything is going to go. I took tons of pictures, it’s really exciting seeing how close the house is. I mean it still won’t be ready until February. Actually having the house actually seeing some action makes it more bearable.

Today my cold also felt a little better. I got some napping done. Other than that I got nothing done. I mean there isn’t much for me to do anyhow. Yet doing nothing makes me feel guilty.

I can’t paint in the dining room again until after thanksgiving and probably Christmas. It sucks. Jim says we can set something up in the bedroom for me. I hope so, not being able to paint for 2 months will suck.

Emotionally I’ve been stable. That’s a positive at least!

House stuff

I’m still sick off my butt so tonight you can see some pictures of the amount of work that has been done this week on my house. Enjoy!

I’m So Whiney

I just have a cold. Sure I feel like complete shit but people have so many worse problems. They don’t whine as much as I’ve been whining.

All I did today was lay around doing nothing and feeling like poop. Nothing even write worthy. Yet I promised I would write every day. So I apologize in advance for the fluff piece.

Still Up But Down

Sick sucks. My mood is good. I am in the mental arena of being able to do anything pretty much. This cold has me laid out like well I can’t think of anything creative. Just sick as hell and unable to do anything. Can’t even think. My nose is so plugged I can barely breathe and my throat is so sore swallowing totally sucks.

A good thing that happened is that we now have part of the garage and a basement framing done. It’s awesome! Finally seeing some work done to the house has risen my spirits. I’m excited again. That is nice.

Anyhow gonna go back to bed and rest some more. I want to feel well enough to go the lot on Friday!

Better Mood, Worse Cold

This morning I woke up and something was different. I was in a better mood. I wanted to go and look at our lot. Last night I was pissy and didn’t want to go and when I got there and there was no change I was furious. Tonight they had done a little work and I didn’t immediately have a panic attack about not getting into our house in Feb.

I know that it is chemical. I know that it is also stress that is forcing me to be so moody. I have a lot to be stressed out about. I am stressed about the mom in law moving in with us after we get our home. I know I am going to be very protective of my home. I am also looking forward time alone with my husband.

I can’t wait until the 16th, it’s our 13th wedding anniversary. We are going out to dinner and then going to a hotel for the night. Alone time in a clean place. It will be awesome.

I’m tired of being where I am. I wrote down 1-20 on a white board so I can erase the weeks as we go along to count the time to get into our home. The day we close, we are going to be sleeping on the floor. I want out that badly.

As you can see it is bothering me a lot lately and there is nothing I can do about it at all. ugh.

Now I”m Sick

On top of the emotional turmoil of the last few days I am now sick. I have another damn cold or the flu. Overnight I developed a sore throat, stuffy nose and I am sure that it is only going to get worse as I am developing a fricken headache as I write this.

A normal non happening day would be very welcomed. I’m not gonna write much because I really feel like crap.

On an emotional level I am pretty level though. Not sad which is good. Not happy but just even..

Thought About Ending It

Ya that title sounds serious because it is serious. I woke up up so fucking depressed. I thought about several ways to off myself, wondered if I should go to the hospital and then this thought popped into my head. Two days ago you and Jim were making out like teenagers in the model home. You do not want to end this, if not for yourself, think about the man you love.

Then I fell asleep.

When I woke up I asked Jim to take me for a drive to the art store for some florescent paints and we ended up grabbing some drive through and heading out to the lot and I vented a lot and we saw some beautiful things and some silly things and I came home and cleaned my room and we are going to go out and have a nice little snacky kind of dinner, then I go back on my diet. I failed but it’s okay as long as I don’t give up.

I took some pictures to share with you.

When we got in the care the mileage was right where it is in the picture, we thought it was funny.

Getting Drunk Didn’t Help

While last night seemed like a great idea. I’m lucky I didnt wake up with a hangover. I am still bitchy and touchy and all it did was grant me a small reprieve from the stresses of everyday life.

Having all the nephews and niece over reinforced the fact that I dont really dig kids and glad hubby and I stuck to dogs. The can be a pain but you can leave them on their own and they dont talk.

I know I am supposed to socialize more but I think it is going to be hard to find people who feel similar to me.

They still haven’t started the framing on the house and it is driving me bananas.

I’m just generally pissed and frustrated with everything.