Tonight is family dinner so I don’t really have anything to post, yet anyhow. Maybe I’ll have something interesting to tell tomorrow.
I’m gonna just go and enjoy being with family. It’s nice to spend time with my MiL and SiL. I really love them both.
Tonight everyone is actually coming. They’ll be no booze or weed for me, so I’ll have to deal with it somehow else.
I don’t even feel like cooking honestly. I’m kinda of just sad. I thought I could talk my husband into getting the 160.oo but he stuck to his guns for a change. Frustrating!
I’ll let you know how it all goes over.
I cancelled it for the most part. I called it off with my mom in law because she has been really negative lately and I need positivity around me when I am not feeling well.
I’ve played some games today just a bit at a time and am working on another painting. I should post some pics of some of my more recent paintings. I like to hear what people think and I know I am no artist so I don’t mind if people don’t like it.
I’ve been stressing about my shrink appt next week, then I finally said to myself.”Hey, it’s over a week, chill a little.”
I need to seriously chill and shut my brain up. It is constant and it is daunting.
Tonight is family night. I love it when my mother-in-law and sister-in-law come over for dinner and a visit. I try to do it weekly but it hasn’t happened since St. Patrick’s day. No fucking wonder I’ve been feeling so lonely.
My sister-in-law is pretty awesome. I love hanging out with her. We talk and do artsy things together. Usually there is wine involved.*wink*
Anyhow I’ve been having a rough day but now it’s getting a little bit better.
I haven’t been around people for a couple of weeks and I’m not feeling very good physically, I’m depressed and anxious. It sucks.
Tonight is my nephews birthday and I just sent my husband off to a family gathering without me. I just don’t feel well enough to even be around family. I love them but can’t handle it right now. Though I would love some one on one time with my sis-in-law, I miss her.
I’m in one of those moods where I am finding it really difficult to write or express myself. Yet I did say I would post every day so here I am!
Blog post posted….
I’ve been really self involved these last few months. I haven’t posted at all and have been depressed a great deal. My BFF’s Birthday would be in 3 days and I spent hours going over her facebook today. I miss her. I miss my monkey, she was such a wonderful lovable spirited little pain in the ass.
Some things have been going good. I am spending a lot of time with my sister in law. It feel really good to have a sister so close to me. We hang out once a week. Actually I have a dinner with my mom-in-law and sister-in-law. Me and Kate usually end up hanging though. It’s always a lot of fun. Plus there is usually wine! lol.
I kind of feel like I am experiencing normalness and not hating it for a change. I just want some stability.
Every Monday I have my sister in law, mother in law and a friend of the family all over for taco night. We play some games, eat some tacos and have a generally good time.
I’m glad I am doing it today because I am feeling really lonely.
I remember my best friend saying I could contact her whenever I was feeling lonely. Yet she’s gone and I’m here and I’m lonely.
It seems to be even harder after a good weekend with my husband. I’m glad I chose Mondays for this.
I didn’t write all weekend cause I was having a good time with hubby enjoying life. We walked and talked and hung out.
As you know I had my father in law in town. He stayed with us for nine damn days! My husband had to work so I was stuck with him for each and every one of them, except weekends. It was difficult because it made my home feel weird. Plus hubby and me got little to no time alone.
This past weekend we had even more family time with a nephews birthday and Easter. It was all so over stimulating, I just want to curl up in bed today. I haven’t though, I still got up and did some housework and ate.
My mood managed to stay ok during it all, but today it is gloomy both outside and inside. I’m feeling kind of depressed and I wonder if my good cycle is coming to an end. Which would be super unfair to have it only last while I couldn’t be alone with hubby.
Fucking bipolar..
My FIL is still here and I’ve decided that I actually like to be alone during the day. It may get lonely sometimes but I can dress how I like, do what I like and not feel like I am constantly under someone’s gaze.
Last night the top of my back was out and hubby cracked it for me. Sadly it threw my lower back out and I couldn’t move for a good 20 mins at all. It didn’t hurt so much as it was locked. Today it is tender but definitely feeling better.
My mood has been surprisingly good despite everything. I’ve found something I thought I lost which is enjoyment. Hubby and I have been playing on the computers when we can and are having a good time doing it.
I’m still cooking every day and walking at least a mile. The diet is going fairly well despite the fact that someone has entered my lair.
Only 3 more days to go….
Today is the first day that my husband and I have had alone since the last time we went to a hotel. I’m bored but happy. I’m glad to have the house to ourselves and be able to watch whatever I want, yet there really is nothing to do since all our stuff is in storage.
Today hubby said he thought I might have ADHD because I am unable to sit and do anything for more than 10-15 mins at a time. Maybe he is on to something. I’ll talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see her Thursday for a med update. I am sure she is going to find the mood stabilizer to be the more important of things right now anyhow.
I actually am looking forward to going back on a mood stabilizer now that the Latuda seems to be working better. I hope it stays that way. Meds and me have a weird way of interacting.
Anyhow that was my day, not really that much to write about.
A Bipolars Reality 