Month: March 2015

A Better Day

Today was a better day. Not because my depression improved but because I decided to listen to my BFF and try to make myself happy instead of waiting passively by for my pills and situation to fix anything. I love how she talks to me because she doesn’t hold her punches and as a fellow bipolar understand how things are. Not just anyone can do it but I appreciate that she does.

The minute I woke up I literally started mopping the floors, they are still covered with some dust from the build. They are finally starting to look like nice wood instead of some dusty old wood from a barn. It felt good to accomplish something. When hubby came home we walked around our block with the dogs since it was such a beautiful day. I think I am going to work on exercising every day it seems to pump me up some.

Tomorrow our fridge and washer and dryer get here so I can finally get all the laundry done from California. It’s been filling corners of the washroom and bedroom. There is a lot! It’s going to take me several days to get it all done but at least tomorrow I can finally start.

Tomorrow I also see my psychiatrist to get my pristiq increased. Should be an interesting day all in all.

I also finally get to shop for real food and cook a real meal if I so choose! Woot.

I Don’t Understand What’s Going On

I just can’t seem to get any motivation to do anything at all. I don’t want to exercise or play. I don’t want to sort laundry or watch TV.

I do want to crawl into bed. That’s about it.

I am managing to fight going back to bed though it is really hard to do.

Tomorrow hubby goes to work, then Tuesday it is my birthday. We’re not celebrating it. Though our washer and dryer and fridge will finally be here so that I can at least shop for some food. I’m tired of take out big time.

I tried painting last night but I just have no mojo. *sigh*

I hope this gets better soon. It always feels like you’ve been depressed forever when you are depressed.

Everything Depresses Me

Today we got our shelving and dressers and I could finally get rid of the last of the boxes. I thought that I would be thrilled and for a few minutes as I looked around I was.

I then realized I had nothing to do. I can’t do laundry until our washer and dryer come Tuesday and I can’t really make much food wise until the fridge gets here.

Plus it doesn’t feel like home. I know it will eventually but right now it feels like a house with our stuff and some new stuff put into it. I am sure some of you understand that.

I should be used to this feeling. I’ve moved a lot in my life. Used to amount to about 1 new place every year and a half but now it feels wrong.

I know part of it is the depression and part of it is the adjustment. I’ll deal with it I always do.

I Didn’t Post Yesterday

I was exhausted and by the time I realized that I hadn’t posted my blog I was way to tired to make it all the way up the stairs and wait for the computer to start.

I also really truly had nothing to say. My mood was the same from the day before and the only thing that had changed was my clothes. No wait I was still in my jammies from the day before so not even that changed.

Today I woke up and did yoga. I unpacked a couple more boxes and went out to a few stores with hubby to get some essentials. Today was worth getting on the blog for.

I’m still taking the wellbutrin and pristiq and latuda. I don’t know if they are making much of a difference. Right now it doesn’t feel like it. I suppose getting things done and going out is better than laying in bed all day though right?

Yet Another Day Passes

Today was not a bad day. My mood was a little better and I managed to get quite a bit accomplished.

The house is starting to look like a house. There are some pictures on the walls and shelves getting filled. I can’t wait for Saturday when we get the last of the shelves and bedroom furniture. Tuesday the appliances come and I’ll be able to get the rest of the clothing washed and put away and maybe then I can get on to cleaning the floor. it’s so dusty.

At least I am feeling motivated. Time for sleep now though. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow so it will be my first real day here alone. That will take some getting used to. I think I can do it though.

Another Med

Today I went to see my shrink and we talked about the depression and general lack of motivation. I’m going to stay on the pristiq and latuda and am adding wellbutrin into the mix. She is hoping it will just give me a general push upwards.

Next week I get to do the spit test to see what drugs will work best for me. As it is I think the pristiq is making me gain a little weight and usually it has a lack of wanting to eat side effect. I never seem to get the side effects I want lol.

The house is really getting into shape. I can’t wait for it to be completely unpacked. I am tired of looking at boxes. Just need to wait for my shelves and dressers to get here. Then boom I’ll be done. Have to wait for Saturday though. Guess that is not too far off. Feels like it is though.

My mood was kind of meh today but not completely down. I am still having a hard time finding interest in anything to do though and the things I usually enjoy are also just not being enjoyed. Sigh.

I know it will get better, these waves just have to keep being ridden. I wouldn’t mind a nice smooth even keel for a longer amount of time though. I don’t think that is asking to much.

Living to See Another Day

<blockquote>In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Reward.”

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Still Feeling Down

My mood is still down. I know that it is chemical and messing up my meds didn’t help. It’s really frustrating.

I hope that things pick up again soon, after all the stress of moving and living with MIL I think I deserve a little joy .. we’ll see though.

Tomorrow I have an appt with my shrink hopefully she’ll have some insight.

I Thought I Would Feel Different

I thought that my emotions would be different. I thought that I would suddenly want to do all sorts of things. I thought once I was in my house I wouldn’t experience the depression. I was wrong.

I’ve been feeling kind of blah today. Things are still not completely put away and I can’t take care of them until some dressers and shelves come later this week. I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

I thought that I would just automatically be happier. I didn’t think that the mood swings would happen so soon. I thought I would at least be able to ride the high of owning a home.

It’s frustrating. I want to be happy and relaxed. Stupid brain.