Life

Good Things

likeable-blog-500-1xFirst off thank you for this. 500 Likes is rather amazing.  It makes me feel that I am not only writing how I feel but others can relate. Plus today is my 160th post. WoW!

 

 

 

 

Second off my Bestie suggested that I think about the positive things that are coming from the move to help with my stress.

So in list form though in no particular order.

 

 

  • I will be able to experience weather again
  • I am not embarrassed to go out and do things
  • I have family
  • I am moving closer to my BFF
  • I am going to be buying a home
  • I get to have another puppy
  • I get to travel through some beautiful places
  • I get to go to a place that feels like home.

 

Okay that is some positive. A lot actually. I am looking forward to the move and I think that it’s just the stress of change that so effects us bipolars that is hitting me. My husband has been wonderful and supportive trying to alleviate as much stress as possible. My BFF has been there for me even though she has been having some stress and depression of her own. I have a wonderful support system here on wordpress as well. much love.

 

Crappity Crap Crap

So today my husband was told that if we made it to Omaha in 3 days as opposed to taking our time, his work would pay for the move. This would mean that I would be unable to visit with the BFF until we are settled. It would also mean we might b able to buy a home sooner.

I have to admit I am very torn. It’s close to 5k. Yet I really want to see Vany, but we are moving closer. It would only be a 10 hour drive to visit in the future. Ugh I am so frustrated right now. I am going to talk to her about it and we how she feels. Hubby wants to be happy and will go with whatever I decide.

I am still quite bitchy and this is not helping at all. It’s made me feel all stressed out. I hates stress, what are you gonna do though. Either way I will be home soon. Yay home.

Sometimes I miss being medicated.

Packing and Nappin

Today was pretty uneventful. I didn’t go out anywhere and I didn’t have any major mood swings. I spent most of my day packing what we are going to take with us on the road and deciding what we would actually need when we bought a home as opposed to just keeping because we might use it sometime in the future.

I realize as we have almost everything packed, we don’t really own anything, all our boxes fit into our tiny dining room area (if you can call it that). The one thing I own a lot of is clothes and shoes. That took up 4-5 boxes! When we finally buy our home we are going to have space to fill and honestly I am excited about it. Not just the shopping but the making a house a home thing.

I had a short nap it was pretty cool, some vivid dreams. I keep opening doors, I wonder what it means.

I feel weird blogging when I don’t have something to bitch about. No one really reads the good posts and I don’t have much to say to myself either other than atta girl keep going.

So going to keep this short and hope that my days moving forward are all filled with non bitchy posts.  I have a strong suspicion that won’t last with the stress of the move looming over my head.. a little over 9 days, eeeee..  That and eventually the crazy is going to pop her head out, she can’t resist. Am I right?

What an Awesome Friday the 13th

I woke up this morning and was in a pretty good mood. Yesterday I was hypo-manic and it carried over to today allowing me to get things done and not giving a shit what people thought about me. I set 1 new goal and got some more of the packing done.

We leave in 12 days OMG, I’m so excited.  I get to see my BFF and travel through parts of the country I have never seen. I mean it’s scary to because we are traveling right down tornado all the way but I really can’t wait to get home! Plus it will be part of my goal to eat pie in every state HA! How is that for food obsessed.

Something awesomely weird happened at the grocery store today. I was walking through the produce isles and this woman says to me, “You are Damn Sexy”. I replied umm thank you and started to walk away when she then says, ” I call em like I see em and I noticed it the second you got out of your car “. Talk about an Ego boost. I’ve never been flirted with so blatantly by anyhow. I’ll take a compliment where I can get them.

Once we got home I was super gung-ho to get some more packing done but I made the mistake of getting a 1 liter Dr. Pepper. Neither the sugar or caffeine agreed with me and after about an hour I was shaking and sleepy and feeling majorly fucked up. Needless to say I went and had a nap. I really think I have to give them both up. I mean I do need to but this sort of just reinforced it.

Now to win the lottery! We got 2 tickets. I don’t need the millions just enough to pay off my bills would be just fine 😀

Hope everyone else had an good day as well!

 

Thank you so much!

This always makes me feel so incredibly shy and also incredibly wonderful. Thank you Dyane over at Birth of a New Brain for nominating me for my second Liebster.  I am horrible at making thankyou speeches though. So hugs and kisses and thanks from the heart. Following the rules here.

The four rules are as follows:

1) I must provide 11 facts about myself. This is hard for me becsause I find myself rather boring 😛

2) Answer 11 questions created by my nominating party Dyane.

3) Nominate 11 blogs

4) Provide them with 11 questions to answer!

 

Okay first 11 things about myself.

  1. I am terrified of tornados, yet want to live in the Midwest.
  2. I am the mother of a 29 year old woman and a six year old grand-daughter.
  3. I am the oldest child of 5.
  4. I wrote a song for a talent show when I was in brownies.
  5. I love to record myself singing so I can improve.
  6. I’m terrified of ticks and chiggers. Anything that imbeds in your skin actually.
  7. I am naturally blonde.
  8. I love to collect pens and notepads.
  9. I love to collect anything with Belle on it.
  10. I want Don’t Fear the Reaper Played at my funeral.
  11. I’m am either incredibly shy or incredibly outgoing ( I blame the bipolar )

Answering Dyane’s Questions to me:

1) What is your favorite color? Why?

Purple because it is always vibrant even at it’s darkest.

2) If you could have one wish, what would it be? Honestly I would to get rid of my bipolarity. I could live without the depressive and manic parts of it. Maybe I would just wish to be hypomanic all the time.

3) Pick a song that defines you. Why that song? Panic Attack by Dream Theatre. I always seem to be having some sort of anxiety or stress over something.

4) If you could travel to one place, where would you go? Does Europe count as one place? I admit it is a bit of a cheat, but they have the most remarkable architecture.

5) Who is your hero? Why? My BFF even though she is going through a tough time herself she still makes sure others are ok. She is always checking on me and she volunteers for animals. She is truly amazing.

6) What makes you smile? Wow this is a toughie, I suppose the thing that makes me smile most is my husband. Sounds kind of cheesy but the is wonderful and funny 😀

7) What made you chose the topic you blog about? You write what you know.  I know how my bipolarity makes me feel for the most part. Sometimes it does sneak up on me though.

8) If you could live any time period, when you would you chose?  I would easily choose the 1820’s. All those fancy balls gowns and the fact that you were chubby and pale was a  positive instead of a negative.

9) If you had to give up one of your senses, which would you chose? Hmmm this is a hard one. Actually no it isn’t I would give up taste.  Would make food a need instead of a want.

10) What was your favorite movie as a child? Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I was a dork from really early on lol.

11) What is your favorite way to unwind? Play Guitar Hero or Rock Band. I always wanted to be a musician and this lets me pretend that I am. 😛

 

Blogs I would like to nominate are :

  1. Glenn2point0
  2. LazyMoan
  3. Young and Twenty
  4. Stunned and Stunted
  5. Thinking about Life
  6. [Bi]polar Curious
  7. I Am My Own Island
  8. Bipolar and Broke
  9. Inside the Mind of a Borderline Mother
  10. Kelzbelzphotography
  11. Nectar Madness

 

I’m Managing

Hubby has been gone for over 24 hours. I managed to sleep last night and only have a little anxiety.

Today has been okay, been wandering the web and finding things to both laugh and hang my head at.  Seriously people are interesting to watch. I don’t generally like to interact with em, but I will voyeur via web or store or whatever. The internet is like a rabbit hole. You start out looking for the most innocent of things and can end up at the most horrific or hilarious.

I always try to be a good person I am no angel and I have done bad things in the past but I don’t think I have ever done anything that would purposely hurt someone. It amazes me that people are constantly doing horrible things to strangers, friends, people at work or even worse the people that they say they love. Murders, abuse of all kinds, lies and deceit.  It makes me sad.

People also do the most hilarious silly things. Things that make you shake your head or laugh. Last night I was in tears reading the autocorrects for texts. Now the phone does the autocorrect but the people post them. They post embarrassing pictures that have been taken of themselves as well.  (I think this includes all selfies) heh

I want to hate people, I really do. I can’t though because it is like watching animals in the zoo, you never know what you are going to see/read/hear next.

I’m Too Old For Romance

So shut up and fuck me. This is the woman I have turned into.
As my husband lovingly strokes my arm I’m just not into it and say this is about orgasms not romance.
I love being touched don’t get me wrong. I could sit and snuggle for hours but I just don’t have the patience in the boudoir that I used to have.
Heck I am usually not in the mood for sex at all. Though in the past seven days I’d had it twice. Why? Purely selfish reasons. My own pleasure.
My husband will go weeks and weeks without anything then all of a sudden I say come here let’s do it. Am I ruining the experience for him and just breaking it down to the way a man wants it?
I so used to be into the romance and the tenderness but I just have no patience for it anymore. I don’t understand why. I honestly feel like a kid with ADD when it comes to sex.
I’m frustrated with myself because I want to want the romance. Not that hubby has ever been that great a romantic. He at least tried from time to time.

On an unrelated note yesterday I was in that super bitchy mood and still went out and took my pictures and something interesting happened. My bad mood went from almost getting out of the car to punch a selfish chick in the face, to being able to watch girls do what I call whore yoga in a park with amusement.

What is whore yoga you ask? It’s when young women dress in skimpy bikinis and the do head stands and other things that pretty much put themselves out for the world to see. Trust me girls that is not the way to get a husband.

Anyhow mood has been better since then. Not sure how it is going to turn out today but I’m curious to find out.