Day Two In Dallas

Yesterday turned out pretty good.  I got to visit with my BFF and hug her. It felt so good to finally be so close to her. We talked for a couple hours and it felt so natural. I am not sure what I was so nervous about.

The rest of the time was pretty boring. Like today has been so fucking. I am not experiencing much difference than when I am in Omaha. Except I keep getting little jolts of anxiety and I’m kind of dreading the drive home. I still have a whole other day of this. I wish I was brave enough to go out by myself.

Being stuck in a hotel room for three days is not something I think I will do again. The next time hubby has a trip I think I’ll just stay home and be bored there. Sure I won’t get to sleep with him but I will feel more comfortable.

I have this feeling that something bad will happen constantly popping into my head. It’s so annoying. Hubby still won’t be back for another 3 hours. Plus I’ve been waking up earlier then I do at home which is making the day even longer.

If anyone has any suggestions of what a person stuck in a hotel room can do with herself, I’ll gladly take it into consideration, cause this just blows… Maybe I’ll get hubby to take me out tonight to at least get some fresh air.

How The Trip Goes So Far

I told you that we got here but I didn’t tell you what the drive was like. It was scary, then boring, then scary again.

Nebraska got hit by a snow storm and for some reason even though it was really the first snow of the year, they were not sanding or plowing the streets very well. It was pretty terrifying seeing all the cars that had flown off the road, even 16 wheeler’s were jackknifed in the middle separating the highways.

Kansas was not nearly as bad, there was some icky roads but you could tell from looking around they didn’t get hit as hard as Nebraska and they were taking much better care of their roads.

One we hit Oklahoma it was a lot easier.. No snow and the roads were dry. I still have yet to get used to the speed people drive though. We were really flying at around 70mph the whole time.

Once we hit Texas it was scary again as these people are nuts, bobbing and weaving their cars all over the place. I didn’t know if we would make it to our hotel without getting in an accident and luckily we made it here with no issues.

Friday we get to do it all in reverse. That should be interesting.

Not seeing the house this week will be hard but we are getting so close to being able to close, less then 4 weeks now!

My BFF is coming to visit me, I am writing this as I wait for her to come over, I’m nervous that I won’t be interesting enough. Even though we have shared everything over the years I am feeling a little shy. I am sure it will be okay, it’s Vanyla and Kitenn after all 😀

Mood is good!

In Dallas

Took us all damn day to get here but we arrived in Dallas. I’m really nervous about being alone in the room all day but I think I can handle it ok.

Not going to write much tonight but I will say since my doctor told me to stop taking the clonidine (sp?) that I am feel emotionally better. I’m not happy happy yet, but I’ve had no negative moodlets pop into my head.

Will write more tomorrow.

Traveling Tomorrow

So tomorrow we start our 9-10 hour drive to Dallas.

The good news is that I love road trips.  I love to see new places and my anxiety doesn’t always hinder me. In fact sometimes I am even more relaxed because I don’t feel the pressuresIdo where I live. The only thing I am really nervous about is meeting my best face-to-face.

The bad news is we got 6 inches of standing snow. We have to leave for the airport to pick up our rental car and our back wheels have no tread. We’ll likely have to ask MIL to take us and then we will need her to pick us up as well. She hates driving on the freeway/highway so I’m not sure she can even do it.

We have zero choice in going, so it should be an interesting morning tomorrow. As long as we’re safe I’m good, but I have a feeling that I am going to be holding onto the door handle with white knuckles for the first part of the trip.

I’m still looking forward to it though.

A Year and Two Days

Well since I’ve been writing for a full year and two days. I plan to keep writing every day this year as well. I hope that I can get up two years. I might miss a day or two when I move but I hope to find wifi I can hook into to at least post something.

My mood today is anxious. I haven’t been able to completely relax and I can feel that I could easily lose my temper. I’m what I like to call itchy, not quite bitchy but the itch is there. I don’t want to do things I don’t want do. I don’t want to be told my opinions don’t matter. I don’t want to listen to what other people have to say. I know these things will bring out the capital B.

I’m trying to keep my temper. I am trying to remain calm.

I’m not feeling great physically. I’m not feeling great emotionally. I am anxious about our trip. I’m anxious about feeling bad and I feel like all my nerves are on edge. I hate this feeling.

Maybe it will be better tomorrow.. maybe..

Still Gloomy

I’m still experiencing the blues and now I am also scared to be alone.

There is a van driving around the neighborhood with a freezer on the back for several days. The housing association has been sending out emails warning people. It makes me nervous just being here by myself. I’m kind of stuck here doing nothing and letting my thoughts wander around in circles.

Can’t wait for 5:00pm to come along so hubby will be home and I’ll be able to relax and just worry about the roadtrip. I love roadtrips so the stress for that will be a lot less.

I would really like a happy day, it’s been over a week now.. dammit.

A Full Year

Well today I have officially been writing my blog every day for a year!! WOOT!!

I didn’t think I could ever do anything for this long and I plan to keep doing a daily post. I just won’t feel guilty if I miss a day or two when  I move into our home.

My mood today is kind of meh. I seem to be stuck here. I didn’t really accomplish anything yesterday and today I am aching all over. I have a feeling I am getting a cold again!

I get to visit with my BFF when I go to Dallas, it will be the first time we meet face to face. I’m excited and nervous about it.  We’ve known eachother about 12 years now so I don’t know why I am afraid of.

I’ll be spending most of my time alone in a hotel room but at least I get to sleep with hubby instead of being by myself for 4 nights. Plus I love a road trip, over 9 hours driving to get there and another 9ish hours back. Bonus.

Dallas Here I Come

Yesterday my husbsand told me he had to go out of town for 4 days for a business trip. I was numb. I didn’t want to be seperated from him, He’s my rock, my reason for living. He helps me survive.

When I found out he was going to Dallas I suggested that we drive and I go with him. He said he would talk to his boss and see if it was possible they would rent a car for us instead of him having to fly, on paper it was even cheaper!

This morning I woke up with an ache in the pit of my stomach. Yet when I talked to Jim he informed me that he could take me on the trip and we would start the drive down Monday. I’m nervous because there might be dinners and I might have to meet people but I’m also excited even though I will be stuck in a hotel room for 3 days while he works.

We’ll see which one wins.

 

I Have No Idea How I Feel

I woke up this morning, sad as usual and dragging myself out of the comfort of dreaming.

Right now I have no idea how I am feeling. I am by myself and that always gives me a low gauge on my emotions. Interacting always brings out how I am actually feeling. Usually Jim brings out the best of me even if I am depressed.

On a good note I have gotten a lot done today.

  • I got some painting done.
  • I did a drawing.
  • I cooked some sausage for dinner.
  • I did some laundry.
  • I put laundry away and tidied my room.

I think that puts me a little outside of depression but it’s only 3pm and I’m bored and lonely. Laundry takes a while to be done and do the rest. I ran out of paint and can’t work on my painting and dinner isn’t for a few hours to finish it. I think tomorrow I’ll start working out. Today I am gonna just watch some TV and wait for hubby to pick me up and take me to Michael’s and the house.

Moods are weird. Wish I could read them better.

So Fucking Blech

I didn’t wake up until after 11:00am and I really didn’t wan to get up. I still don’t want to be up. I’m just getting dragged down into the pits of despair and don’t want to do anything at all.

I don’t even want to post this blog but there is not way in hell I am going to stop when I am 6 days from writing every day for a year.

Screw this depression.