hubby

Not So Nice Surprise

Today it was snowing and our car is not that great in that kind of weather so hubby decided to work from home. I was thrilled he was here. Then around 1:00pm hubby found out that he had a flight out to Denver and had to leave by 5pm. Needless to say he is fairly close to landing in another city and I have to sleep alone for the next two nights while he is on his business trip.

I can’t believe how unprofessional his business was that they didn’t bother to call him his entire week off to see he was available to travel, they did it all by email and he didn’t find out until a few hours before his flight yet the other people knew because they were at work. I call bullshit.

I’m not happy but really he had no choice if he wants to stay in good standing with work.

I don’t have to like it though! FUCK THEM!

Bored But Happy

Today is the first day that my husband and I have had alone since the last time we went to a hotel. I’m bored but happy. I’m glad to have the house to ourselves and be able to watch whatever I want, yet there really is nothing to do since all our stuff is in storage.

Today hubby said he thought I might have ADHD because I am unable to sit and do anything for more than 10-15 mins at a time. Maybe he is on to something. I’ll talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see her Thursday for a med update. I am sure she is going to find the mood stabilizer to be the more important of things right now anyhow.

I actually am looking forward to going back on a mood stabilizer now that the Latuda seems to be working better. I hope it stays that way. Meds and me have a weird way of interacting.

Anyhow that was my day, not really that much to write about.

Date Day

Today I had a lovely day with my husband. The day started off with little excitement but the promise of a few short hours together. I was happy with it.

We had to go out and get wrapping paper for my SIL’s birthday tomorrow so we headed out into the sunshine and went to Target. After shopping at target we didn’t feel any urge to go home so we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart to dream about and price the furniture we want and need for our new home. Even though we can’t buy anything now it is fun to go out and enjoy looking at this and that.

After that we went out to lunch, the normal Italian place we went to was closed down for a while so we ended going to Olive Garden which we haven’t  been to in years. It was nice to finally eat a salad. Not something we normally  do but it was delicious and fun and my anxiety was actually minimum.

We got home a little over 4:00 and got to finally have some close intimate time. Shortly there after I feel into a deep sleep which was supposed to just be a doze but hubby let me sleep way to long and when i woke up weren’t alone anymore. Makes me a little sad.

Yet we had a good day filled with holding hands and laughter. 😀

More Visits With A Slight Reprieve

So Mom’s husband is gone but now my FIL is here until Friday. So that means out of 11 days hubby and I will have 3 alone.. 3 you say? Yes tomorrow we actually will have some time alone. MIL and FIL are going over to SIL for a visit. The rest of the week will be celebrating SIL’s birthday, New Years Eve and also a lot of football.. ugh

My mood is okay, we got an email from the people building our house that we might hear about closing in a week or two. We basically close 45 days after we hear. So I am hoping it is a week opposed to two. Yet it is wonderful that we are getting closer to getting into our home. We walked through it again today as we showed MIL and FIL how it looks with actual walls and such. It gave me a nice warm feeling.

For some reason when the new year and Christmas are around I get paranoid. I worry that there is going to be some holiday catastrophe. I don’t know why. I just have always been that way. This year things have been a little different. I still have that lingering worry in the back of my head but I’ve also been able to enjoy moments.

My mood today is middle of the road, not bad but not good. I’ve been able to joke and smile though so that is a plus. I’m worried the depression is going to come again. I hope it stays away a little longer than it normally does. After all it always stays around longer than most of my other moods, it only seems fair.

Honestly the only thing I really want it time alone with my husband. That isn’t asking for much. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

Family Celebration

Tonight we went over to my sister in laws for my nephews birthday. She has a small home with one bathroom and I was having some huge anxiety about going there. I even had dreams of going there while I napped before that were very stressful.

Yet I am proud to say not only did I go, I had fun, I ate some food and I had a pretty good time. For once I was able to over power my brain. Even the children didn’t bother me as much as they usually do.

This seems like my mood might finally be in an upswing. I’m afraid of course. Usually an upswing is followed by days of depression. I honestly will be happy if I can make it through the holidays without crashing. Especially since hubbby has 11 days off in a row. I don’t get that very often.

Wish me luck!

Hubby Home Sick

Today my husband came home early after a day of throwing up at work. Poor baby. It’s impossible for me to care for him since there is nothing I can do. It’s frustrating. I want him to feel better.

My mood is right in the middle. I’m actually not feeling that well myself, I have a feeling the stomach bug is making it’s rounds again. Yay. It’s hard to tell if it is my mood or circumstance. That’s the funny things with moods.

Makes for a not in the mood to do anything even write my blog kind of thing. It’s even more important to write those days I think. This is good reinforced behaviour. I am still thinking about what I am gonna start as a year long habit come nerw years. Like a resolution but something that sticks. haha.

So Frustrating

I love my husband, he is warm, funny and handsome man who puts up with all my shit. In the mornings though I want to strangle him. His alarm wakes me up several times as he hits snooze. Then as he leaves he wakes me again to ask how he looks. I always have a problem going back to sleep but then he goes down and talks to his mom for 20 mins while he plays on the computer. I can hear them talking it gets my paranoia going like crazy.

It’s like this most weekday mornings and today I just blew up at him because of it. I hate weaking up before my body wants me too, it makes me cranky for the whole day and I get so hurt he doesn’t stay and talk to me.

I know it is completely irrational.  That doesn’t stop it from happening though. I feel sorry for the poor guy. I’m glad he tolerates me. Living with a bipolar is a really hard job. I don’t know that if it were reversed I would be so damn good natured about everything.

I’m a lucky woman.

So Fucking Moody

As you know last night was a really hard one. Today has been a lot better though. I’ve been neutral.

I had a lot of nightmares last night. So I was surprised to wake up feeling non-depressed. I swear I woke up every 30 mins from one terror or another. I haven’t had that happen in a long time. Have you ever had a scary dream that made it so you didn’t want to step off the bed because something might grab you from under it or your afraid to go into the hall cause there might be someone there. That was my night.

Today I’ve accomplished nothing but not being really depressed. I guess that is something though. I’ve just spent my day watching Korean drama’s. At least it is Wednesday and I only have two more days until the weekend when I am lucky enough to have hubby all to myself. I’m basically waiting for the weekend each week. I think once we get into house it is going to be a lot easier as I’ll have access to a lot more things to do. Still a couple months til that happens though. Always counting down to something.

Thanks for the comments, it really helped me feel less depressed!

In Our Hotel Room

We’ve been in the hotel room for a few hours after a lunch of indian food, which I normally love but has allowed me to spend more time in the washroom of our hotel room then in the actual room!

You’d think it would be romantic but instead I am feeling troubled and just putting on a happy face so that hubby doesnt think that I am not enjoying our time together. Part of it is my sore throat, makes it hard to talk for any amount of time. The other part is well honestly I have no flipping clue and hope to figure it out fast as we only have 2 nights together and I do so love spending time with hubby.

We are supposed to go to dinner tomorrow night at the place we first had our wedding dinner, I am hoping I dont chicken out about it. I’ve been known to do that from time to time.

I just hope that we can find something to do together.  We enjoy every single day together why should celebrating be so damn hard. Honestly sometimes I hate my brain.

Fall Is Beautiful

Today my husband and I went and explored some woods near the new house. It’s a national forest called Schramm. It’s really quite lovely and I took some really good pictures. I’ll add them to this post later, I have to move them all over the place to get them on here since I didn’t take them with my iPad.

We talked a lot and ended up walking for 3 fricken miles. I am really sore. I’m not sure how much pain I am gonna be tomorrow but I am in some now. It was totally worth it. Even if I have to stay on the couch all day it was worth it.

I need to exercise more. I realize that I moved to a part of the country where being a larger gal is accepted much easier but I don’t want to be this way anymore. Life is short and I want to live it with energy and verve!

Got lots of vitamin D today from MR. Sun. Also hubby is trying to make it so that I can play my games on her computer. Cross your fingers it will give me something to do with my time.