The Stress IS Getting To Me

I just keep worrying about everything. Tomorrow it is supposed to snow .5 to 2 inches and we have bald tires on the car and the next day we need to close on the house and it’s making my stomach hurt thinking about something messing up.

Originally I was just concerned about my social anxiety but now everrything has become a stressor. We’ve had everything set to be delivered in an orderly fashion. We’ve had things set to be set up as long as everything goes according to plan. One dominoe could fuck up the entire thing. UGH.

Why does my brain have to be like this? My husband is so flipping calm. I don’t know how he can be but he just doesn’t stress like me and it drives me bloody bananas.

Just one more day to go and hopefully everything will go ok. If it does I won’t be posting for a couple of days but I think that is a good enough reason to miss posting.

More Whatif’s

I’m supposed to be happy. I’m supposed to be thrilled that we are closing in 3 days. I’m supposed to finally be able to relax.

I’m so stressed out. The whatif’s are killing me. What if we can’t get to the closing? What if we don’t find out what the check we are supposed to bring is? What if there is bad weather and it messes everything up?

That and a whole bunch more sillier smaller things that are just constantly keeping my mind in constant rotation. It won’t fucking shut up, it’s just thrumming with whatif’s.

It’s made today a not so great day.

I forced myself to go out for dinner though even though I want to curl up in fetal postition and hide. I have to keep pushing myself.

Maybe tomorrow will be calmer but tonight I am going to seek out my husbands arms and let him hold me until I sleep or cry/

It’s Been A Productive Weekend

This weekend I’ve gotten almost everything packed. I just really have clothes and maybe one or two boxes to pack and I will be done for Thursday.

This is what the mess looks like…

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I think we are really going to pack the uhaul we are renting. I can’t believe we are so close to moving day.

I have to admit I lay in bed for two hours this afternoon having some anxiety about the move and all the unpacking I will have to do. I tend to worry about every single thing so it passed like all the other things do.

My mood has been awesome though. I’m managing to stay up, seriously hoping it is the pristiq helping.

I’m excited to see how each day goes moving forward. Tomorrow will be another test as I will be home alone. Though I have found the guilty pleasure of watching TV shows I wouldn’t normally.

Here’s hoping it’s a good day.

Another Good Day + Mistakes

Last night I accidently posted my blog to my real life facebook.. ugh

Luckily it was a happy post and I don’t think most people noticed. Honestly it could have been so much worse.

Today has been a good day moodwise. I got some packing done and went out to visit the house so we could show MIL how it looks.

My iPad died because I forgot to charge it so my post was a little late tonight but at least I am still getting it done.

 

Most Excellent Day

Today I woke up in a good mood. It was the day we did our demonstration walk-thru through the house. At first I was anxious but the 2 hours passed swiftly and it made me feel warmed through knowing in 6 days I will own my own home again.

I’ve just been generally up today but not a high up, more of a general happiness. It is nice to be able to tell the difference between regular good mood and a manic high. I usually can’t tell the difference and just go along with wherever the mood takes me.

I am hoping the pristiq is what is making the difference. It seems to be doing something, the depression didn’t last as long.

Next shrink appt she is doing the saliva test to see what meds will work best for me so that is going to put a different spin on my treatment.

I’m going to watch Grimm now. Love this show.

400 Posts

I didn’t realize it at the time but when I posted my blog yesterday it told me it was my 400th post. I’m actually pretty impressed with myself. 🙂

Today I slept til 10:30 but am planning on getting all the laundry done so I can pack most of it up. It’s 7 days until we move into our home and I want to be prepared.

I’m feeling ok today, it feels like it could go above that if things align right.

Tomorrow we go for our second last walk thru of the house. We will be pointing out anything we need fixed before next Thursday when we close. We’ve been checking it out at least once a week, so we already know what we want fixed, which is honestly one thing, the door to the garage. So that should be fun and quick.

I’m so excited that I am going to be able to post from my house in a week. I think that is going to help a lot with the mood swings because my stress is going to go down a lot. I can’t wait to get all my stuff and unpack! I haven’t seen it in 8 months so it will be like opening presents.

Well I’m off to finish the laundry!

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

Every morning I wake up around 10:30, I try to sleep even longer but that seems to be the latest I can sleep in to. Then around 1:30-2:00pm I go and have a nap to make even more of the day go by. I’m lonely and stressed and can’t get motivated to do anything. It generally sucks.

Today to my horror I woke up at 9:00 and didn’t nap. I spent the entire day watching America’s Next Top Model. I got 1 load of laundry done. I was still lonely and stressed but I spent more of my day awake.

I’m not sure which is better, do any of you sleep just to pass the time?

My mood was ok, just ok. Better than depressed though.

 

Mood Is Down Once Again

I woke up this morning feeling sad and it really just continued through the whole day. Nothing has been able to pick me up.

I wanted to share a picture of our new kitchen. Enjoy!

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My MIL Is Driving Me Crazy

My mood today has been both up and down. My anxiety seems to be worse than it has been. I am not sure if it is the pristiq or just the fact that there are a lot of stressful things going on right now.

My MIL brings up packing every single day and it is starting to stress me out about doing it. I have a plan in place and it’s really not any of her buisness how I plan on doing it, but there is something said that makes me want to pull my hair out.  Today her suggestion was to pack up and put our stuff in the garage. No flipping way that garage is gross I don’t want my stuff sitting out there getting moist and stinky.

I went to lunch today even though my anxiety wanted me to run the other way. I was uncomfortable the whole time and really couldn’t eat. The pristiq seems to be changing the way I feel hunger and the way I want to eat. Actually for the better cause I don’t get as hungry and can’t seem to eat all my food. So maybe I’ll start losing weight again.

Either way tomorrow will be interesting. It will prove if the being alone is really influencing my depression. I hope not cause there is no changing it.

 

Another Good Day

it’s nice to have more than one day in a row where my feelings are up.

I spent another nice day with hubby watching anime, playing diablo on the PS4 and watching the walking dead.

Watching anime with hubby right now and it makes me feel very warm and happy. I’d forgotten how much I really enjoy it.

I don’t know it is the pristiq or if my mood has just shifted. Only time will really tell.

I’ll post a picture of my ring after I get it sized.

1 week 5 days until we move into our home. eeeeeee so exciting.