happy

Internet Down

My internet was down yesterday but the days I missed before that are all on me. I thought that once I got my computer back it would be even easier to remember to write everyday but I am trying to live life and I got busy actually having fun.

I was playing outside with my dogs, walking and playing on the computer with hubby until the wee hours of the night. I’d like to say I am going to be writing every day going forward but it’s not a promise I can keep. I am going to be writing at least a couple times a week, maybe more.

My mood has been pretty good for the last few days. Normally it is depression that makes me forget things but happiness did it this time so I really just can’t complain.

I go back to my therapists tomorrow then see my shrink 2 days later. I wonder if she heard about my saliva test. I guess I’ll see.

In The New House

We’ve moved into the new house. All our stuff from California is here and we moved all the stuff from MIL’s house here. Last night we slept on the floor but tonight we are sleeping back in our king sized bed.. *relief*

Today we spent a lot of time opening boxes and figuring out where stuff should go, we still have tons of boxes to go through but we have to wait for our bought stuff to arrive so we have surfaces and other places to put things.

Last night we watched Big Hero 6, it gave me a lot of joy. You should watch it if you like that sort of thing. Made me laugh my ass off.

My mood has been pretty good since we got everything done yesterday. I was so stressed out about signing the papers and everything and then I didn’t have any anxiety at all during that time.

We’ll be buying a new bedroom set which will be nice, right now our bedroom looks like a dorm room a bed with no head board or furnishings.

It’s sad when the guest bedroom looks better than your own.

My mood has been fairly up today. I’m tired and realize that I really need to get into better shape.

I’m a home owner though so everything is good.

Hubby let me slave on his phone so I could post tonight, is he awesome or what? I didn’t even know you could do that!

It’s Been A Productive Weekend

This weekend I’ve gotten almost everything packed. I just really have clothes and maybe one or two boxes to pack and I will be done for Thursday.

This is what the mess looks like…

image

I think we are really going to pack the uhaul we are renting. I can’t believe we are so close to moving day.

I have to admit I lay in bed for two hours this afternoon having some anxiety about the move and all the unpacking I will have to do. I tend to worry about every single thing so it passed like all the other things do.

My mood has been awesome though. I’m managing to stay up, seriously hoping it is the pristiq helping.

I’m excited to see how each day goes moving forward. Tomorrow will be another test as I will be home alone. Though I have found the guilty pleasure of watching TV shows I wouldn’t normally.

Here’s hoping it’s a good day.

Another Good Day + Mistakes

Last night I accidently posted my blog to my real life facebook.. ugh

Luckily it was a happy post and I don’t think most people noticed. Honestly it could have been so much worse.

Today has been a good day moodwise. I got some packing done and went out to visit the house so we could show MIL how it looks.

My iPad died because I forgot to charge it so my post was a little late tonight but at least I am still getting it done.

 

Painting Again Feels Wonderful

Fe001els really good to be painting again. This is a painting I am working on right now and plan to hang in our guest room.

It feels so good to have paint all over my hands and clothes and be messy. This is my first time trying to paint something that is not weird but I am actually happy about how it turned out.

Today has been pretty good, played some games and painted and killed some time without whining.  It was refreshing to feel like I had something to do with my day.

My mood is still up, not sure how long it will stay here but I will enjoy it while it last instead of asking myself each day when the bad will come. It’s counteractive, it’s basically just wishing the happy away.

I’m going shopping for some paints today and I will paint more tomorrow. I will be happy today and hopefully happy tomorrow.

When I Am By Myself

When I am by myself I often ponder how I am feeling. I know lonely is something I feel a lot of the time. Though I try to talk to people online during the day to give myself a break from it.
Yet I never truly understand how I am feeling until I interact face to face.

This is the first day I have been alone for a few days and after tomorrow I won’t be alone for 11 days. Hubby will be here, mom’s husband will be here and so will my FIL, so there will be a lot of interaction and I’ll know from the beginning how I will feel. Due to FIL and mom’s hubby I am assuming I am going to be annoyed. They both love to take over the TV and put on nothing but shit. ugh..

I plan on drinking Christmas and New Year’s Eve to help deal with the social annoyance. It’s less painful than trying to bury those feelings for close to two weeks.

Though I am so happy that hubby will be home so long and he will be a good person to measure how I actually feel as opposed to trying to guess and hoping my medication increase is working on the depression. I know if it is then I can start working on trying to find a mood stabilizer to stop the constant mood swings. I’m what you call a rapid cycler which makes me bipolar 1.

Do you know how you are feeling when you are by yourself or do you just go through motions?

My Brain Is Confused

I cancelled all my therapy sessions but made an appt for the hair dresser. I’m getting it all cut off. Probably will lose another 2 pounds there since I’ve let it get so long. I found this super cute cut I want and hopefully it will be flattering to my face. I know it will give me much more ease of wear. Plus I get to go back to vibrant red as opposed to boring dirty blonde.

My mood has been better today it seems like things are taking an upswing and hopefully it keeps that way. My meds should help me through the anxiety of going out and doing things and looking better should help me feel better about going out. Hopefully it will ease all my anxiety I have been having lately. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow and maybe I will put up a pic of the new hair too!

 

A Little Reprieve

Today has been better mood wise. The anxiety was also a little lower.

I’d like to thank sudafed for making my cold more managable.

I spent all day watching survivor from the beginning, up to episode 8. Not a great way to spend the day but at least I wasn’t moping, right?

I am doing well losing weight and have lost 17 pounds so far. It feels a little weird and I’m afraid to eat now. Yet I am craving junk food really badly. I am wonderfuil at self sabatoge. I know this yet I feel like this is a losing battle with christmas and all the sweets and carbs that come with it.

There I said some positive stuff today.. nuff said.

Still Up But Down

Sick sucks. My mood is good. I am in the mental arena of being able to do anything pretty much. This cold has me laid out like well I can’t think of anything creative. Just sick as hell and unable to do anything. Can’t even think. My nose is so plugged I can barely breathe and my throat is so sore swallowing totally sucks.

A good thing that happened is that we now have part of the garage and a basement framing done. It’s awesome! Finally seeing some work done to the house has risen my spirits. I’m excited again. That is nice.

Anyhow gonna go back to bed and rest some more. I want to feel well enough to go the lot on Friday!

Ce-ment Pond

I was thrilled when we went out to visit the foundation today. They had our porch, garage and basement were all poured and the men were making it all smooth and cool.

Mom seems insecure about buying her home now. It makes me wonder if she is going to go through with her. I honestly worry that maybe our wanting her there has pushed her into doing something she isnt ready for.

Hubby is going to talk to her to make sure she doesnt lose too much money if she feels she would rather stay here in the house on the lake.

I just want her to be happy and we live close enough that holidays and visits arent a big deal.

I am happy right now. I cheated a little on my diet today but I got a candy bar that is only available in Canada and I am going to enjoy it! Plus I’ve lost 2.6 pounds. Go me!