moods

Dreams

I think I’ve probably said multiple times how I just love to dream. They are always so vivid and realistic. I have such a hard time getting up in the morning because I enjoy them so much. I can continue a dream where it left off so if I have to wake up in the middle of the night I just go back to it. Apparently not everyone can do this, so it makes me glad.

My mood yesterday was down right bitchy. My dog Charlie is being a particularly picky eater right now but the dogs have to be on the food they are on because of Ren’s pancreatis. (not sure how it’s spelt). So anyhow the little bugger will starve himself until he feels sick then throws up. I don’t know what to do about it. I might have to feed them separately. As it is, I have to sit on the floor with them to make sure Charlie does eat when he will. I would have to do it even more to keep Ren out of his food. *sigh*

I didn’t go to my shrinks yesterday because of the bad mood and some tummy issues. I hate having to change it, but what are you supposed to do when you need to stay close to the washroom? Bah.

Internet Down

My internet was down yesterday but the days I missed before that are all on me. I thought that once I got my computer back it would be even easier to remember to write everyday but I am trying to live life and I got busy actually having fun.

I was playing outside with my dogs, walking and playing on the computer with hubby until the wee hours of the night. I’d like to say I am going to be writing every day going forward but it’s not a promise I can keep. I am going to be writing at least a couple times a week, maybe more.

My mood has been pretty good for the last few days. Normally it is depression that makes me forget things but happiness did it this time so I really just can’t complain.

I go back to my therapists tomorrow then see my shrink 2 days later. I wonder if she heard about my saliva test. I guess I’ll see.

Today I Was Quite Proud of Myself

Most people would think much of it but people recovering from agoraphobia will dig where I’m coming from.

I walked to the mail box all on my own.  It’s about half a block away from the house so that’s really the farthest I have gone on my own since California. (over 8 months) I think this is something I need to start adding to my daily things since it gets me exercising and gives me exposure to the outdoors? What do you think?

My mood is ok today. Not super up but not super down. I’m just right in the middle where I can smile and I can frown.

My shrink wants me to set my alarm in the morning and start taking my wellbutrin and pristiq earlier but I am still fighting to sleep as late as I can. I manage to sleep until 11:00. I don’t know what I would do with myself with those two extra hours. I think I am going to have to take her advice though.

I start therapy again in 4 days so maybe that will help, we shall see.

I’ve Been Posting Every Other Day

It doesn’t feel natural though to be not posting every day. I don’t want to get out of the habit of it either. I need to fix my shit and get back to writing every day. I wasn’t going to post every day because I don’t always have something to say and I don’t want people to be bored but I am going to make sure I do it for myself.

My mood has been kind of middle of the road. I managed to make it being by myself until almost 10 o’clock last night though because hubby had a work dinner. So I think that I handled that pretty good. I didn’t crawl into bed and I didn’t break down into tears and was even encouraging about it. So good for me.

It’s grey out today and it’s hard to be in a good mood when the world is cold and yucky. I’m trying though. Think I am going to do some housework or workout or something physical.

I Thought I Would Feel Different

I thought that my emotions would be different. I thought that I would suddenly want to do all sorts of things. I thought once I was in my house I wouldn’t experience the depression. I was wrong.

I’ve been feeling kind of blah today. Things are still not completely put away and I can’t take care of them until some dressers and shelves come later this week. I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

I thought that I would just automatically be happier. I didn’t think that the mood swings would happen so soon. I thought I would at least be able to ride the high of owning a home.

It’s frustrating. I want to be happy and relaxed. Stupid brain.

Most Excellent Day

Today I woke up in a good mood. It was the day we did our demonstration walk-thru through the house. At first I was anxious but the 2 hours passed swiftly and it made me feel warmed through knowing in 6 days I will own my own home again.

I’ve just been generally up today but not a high up, more of a general happiness. It is nice to be able to tell the difference between regular good mood and a manic high. I usually can’t tell the difference and just go along with wherever the mood takes me.

I am hoping the pristiq is what is making the difference. It seems to be doing something, the depression didn’t last as long.

Next shrink appt she is doing the saliva test to see what meds will work best for me so that is going to put a different spin on my treatment.

I’m going to watch Grimm now. Love this show.

400 Posts

I didn’t realize it at the time but when I posted my blog yesterday it told me it was my 400th post. I’m actually pretty impressed with myself. 🙂

Today I slept til 10:30 but am planning on getting all the laundry done so I can pack most of it up. It’s 7 days until we move into our home and I want to be prepared.

I’m feeling ok today, it feels like it could go above that if things align right.

Tomorrow we go for our second last walk thru of the house. We will be pointing out anything we need fixed before next Thursday when we close. We’ve been checking it out at least once a week, so we already know what we want fixed, which is honestly one thing, the door to the garage. So that should be fun and quick.

I’m so excited that I am going to be able to post from my house in a week. I think that is going to help a lot with the mood swings because my stress is going to go down a lot. I can’t wait to get all my stuff and unpack! I haven’t seen it in 8 months so it will be like opening presents.

Well I’m off to finish the laundry!

Another Good Day

it’s nice to have more than one day in a row where my feelings are up.

I spent another nice day with hubby watching anime, playing diablo on the PS4 and watching the walking dead.

Watching anime with hubby right now and it makes me feel very warm and happy. I’d forgotten how much I really enjoy it.

I don’t know it is the pristiq or if my mood has just shifted. Only time will really tell.

I’ll post a picture of my ring after I get it sized.

1 week 5 days until we move into our home. eeeeeee so exciting.

Setting The Mood

Today I woke up anxious, sad and very angry.  Like punch someone in the face angry. I realised I was having a manic day after my one good mood day. Frustrating to say the least. I screamed and cried and fought the urge to hit someone and eventually it passed.  I tried to think of more positive things to bring myself to a better mood. It worked today anyhow.

At least until tonight when I was trying to watch the walking dead. The mood is set, the surround sound on and the lights turned off. You have to watch it wtihout questioning, you just let yourself sink into the show and lose it. I was doing just that when MIL starts questioning everything. It really took me out of the mood and ruined the rest of the show for me and as you know, it was an emotional night if you are watching.

2 weeks, 4 days to go….

In Dallas

Took us all damn day to get here but we arrived in Dallas. I’m really nervous about being alone in the room all day but I think I can handle it ok.

Not going to write much tonight but I will say since my doctor told me to stop taking the clonidine (sp?) that I am feel emotionally better. I’m not happy happy yet, but I’ve had no negative moodlets pop into my head.

Will write more tomorrow.