Living with my mom in law is not all that it is cracked at to be.
There are going to be times when there is conflict. Food, TV Shows, etc.
I can see the conflicts coming.
I love hanging out with her. I miss time alone with my husband. I miss being able to watch or listen to what I want.
I’m gettting pre-frustrated. Ya thats a word, now anyhow. lol.
Must breathe, breathe..
Last night hubby snd i got into a fight becausee we were both grumpy sbout not hsving our own. I reminded him thst we just need to keep our eye on the prize.
Now that his bronchitis is better we went out to Gretna for a walk and it made us more relaxed. I really am looking forward to our new home.
I lost my ipad cover and hubby got me a new one that has a keyboard attached which will eventuaslly make blogging easier. Right now I am making a lot of errors as i get used to it. It feel better than actively writing on the ipad though.
Neat right?
WE also got costumes for our dogs, Ren will be Wonder Woman and Charlie is Super Girl. They will be adorbs!!
That’s pretty much been my day. We got some time alone which is good. Its been better day thats for sure.
Today I’ve gone to lunch, shopped for singer clothes and drove all over the place and that was all before 3pm.
I’m tired but happily so as I sit here watching anime on my iPad while everyone else watches football. I used to like football but being here and it being on all the damn time has turned me against it.
It was nice being able to buy warm clothes, all I really had were sundresses and tank tops, that certainly won’t get me through the winter. Walmart is cheap as he’ll too. Sadly I think the clothes are also poorly made but what do you expect. At least it gives me another reason to lose weight.
I watched some painting videos. I need to take some art classes. I think that it will help me a lot. I feel inferior right now. I am proud of what I have done don’t get me wrong but I know if I learn a little patience I could be better.
So patience is my word for the month.
I feel hatred towards other people. My FIL for treating my MIL the way he did this past week. My MIL husband for doing stupid ass shit without thinking about how it affects. I’ve become quite protective of her.
Hate is a strong word and it is a stronger feeling and it fills my body with poison. This is more of this black and white thinking. Hate is too powerful of an emotion to waste on stupid ass shit like that. I should save it for the people who truly deserve it. Then I should get past that too.
Having moms husband here this weekend just fills me with such anger, it almost makes me hands ache from being flexed in fists ast my side. Maybe I should explain.
Mom drives a 12-year-old minivan, it works but has seen better days and she decided not to get a new vehicle because the new house was more important. She would have bought it herself without her husband money. They are buying the house together and they made the decision to buy the house. A week later he goes out and gets a brand new fucking SUV for himself. Both risking the home loan and I don’t know if he did it consciously but saying fuck you to mom, I can have what you can’t.
It makes me angry. She doesn’t want to say anything because she wants to be able to get the house. He’s making that hard too. Taking forever to get the papers she needs, someone has already bought one of the lots beside us. I hope he doesn’t fuck her out of the other one.
So I am venting as opposed to holding on to this anger. It’s not worth it and it honestly gives me a reason to go out all weekend and not be home. Thanks for giving me reasons to shop cold weather!
I always see things in black or white. I’ve decided that I am going to start trying to see the grays.
My therapist told me it’s all about the way you look at things and being more accepting of people and situations. I really need to do this as I always absolutely love or hate someone. It will be interesting to try.
My depression is here and I’ve felt so down most of the day but I’m not going to allow it to make me not do things. So I painted, I played on the computer and I’ve agreed to try and find a meetup group so I can explore friendships.
Also hubby said there was a company looking for telemarketers right near his work. I’m gonna apply and see if I can get the job. Why not. I think I can work. It doesn’t hurt anything to try.
Can is my new word.
It’s that time when my moods make me start withdrawing. I am moving away from the things that I enjoy.
I don’t want to draw or paint. I don’t want to write all that much. I am cooking but that is out of concern for saving money more then any joy.
I must keep my promise to write my blog.
I am gonna try and be positive, even though I feel like curling up and hiding. I hate the mood swings. Up and down. I would like to be happy longer… Just a little maybe a full month.
Man I don’t even want to shop.. Bah
My mood is so all over the place.
I was in a good mood today my animes arrived in the mail and I was so happy to start watching them. I cried when. The opening and closing credits for each episode. They were tears of happiness though.
Hubby came home, he was at the clinic and has bronchitis the poor man. Yet no one could make decisions about dinner and it sent me off on a tirade about picking out food. I was so pissed.
Admitted I had talked to my daughter for a few minutes. It was good but still seemed to connect to my getting my hackles rised.
Right now I would just like to take hubby to a hotel, snuggle in bed and watching some anime while he heals.
Yet the reality is I will be watching alone and he will be sick at work. Spreading his sickness amongst his co- workers as opposed to laying in bed where his ass should be.
Hopefully my cold continues to get better, I don’t want part of that crap.
I would like to just be happy. Also been raining all day and I haven’t been out of the house but for a minute. I need out of the prison once a day at least.
Need to buy a UV therapy light soon. Any suggestions??
Tomorrow FIL leave and I work a little and it wil be so quiet..
Quiet never thought I would love it, but I can’t wait to have some time to myself. I think I am growing as a person.
Walked again tonight in my in the future neighborhood. Hate waiting for things to happen but someone has moved into the first home in the neighborhood. I’m excited for them.
I’m gonna become better physically to work with my maturing emotionally. It can get better. All of it.
Tonight I talked with my daughter. She again has been dumped by the asshole who she keeps being screwed over with.
I hate that he keeps hurting her. She also informed me that she had been basically been welling herself for drugs. Though she has been clean for 3 months.
I told her if she goes back to this man I will need to stop talking to her. She is mentally unstable and I don’t want to abandon her but she is such a trigger for me.
After the call I wanted to kill myself and felt so guilty and heartbroken for the ways she had turned out. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I started drinking until hubby took the wine away from me. I wasn’t being very smart with taking cold medicine and Xanax and alcohol.
It was a hard day, eventually hubby was able to calm me back down but it made me realize that I might need cut her out of this continues just for my own sanity.
I hope she takes my advice and moves to a new Provence far away from that man and starts a new life, cause this just doesn’t work.
I am still recovering but today was pretty good.
We went out to the lot which is always awesome and wandered around one of the houses that is the same model of ours but is further along in the build.
Went out to lunch with MIL and we did a little shopping. I needed some stationary as I’ve decided to write my grandparents a letter. I want to communicate with them while they are still alive. I miss them and went them to know it.
I cooked dinner for the entire family, SIL, FIL and MIL plus hubby and everyone ate a lot and complimented it. It was just tacos but it made me feel good non-the-less.
Lastly we all watch the newest X-Men movie together which was nice as my MIL has surround sound. We shut down all the lights and it felt like we were enjoying it in a theatre. I enjoyed it as well as the ambience.
so no real complaint today except for the fact I have to do laundry and I am a little hypos manic. I am at least getting things done!
A Bipolars Reality 