depression

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

Every morning I wake up around 10:30, I try to sleep even longer but that seems to be the latest I can sleep in to. Then around 1:30-2:00pm I go and have a nap to make even more of the day go by. I’m lonely and stressed and can’t get motivated to do anything. It generally sucks.

Today to my horror I woke up at 9:00 and didn’t nap. I spent the entire day watching America’s Next Top Model. I got 1 load of laundry done. I was still lonely and stressed but I spent more of my day awake.

I’m not sure which is better, do any of you sleep just to pass the time?

My mood was ok, just ok. Better than depressed though.

 

Mood Is Down Once Again

I woke up this morning feeling sad and it really just continued through the whole day. Nothing has been able to pick me up.

I wanted to share a picture of our new kitchen. Enjoy!

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My MIL Is Driving Me Crazy

My mood today has been both up and down. My anxiety seems to be worse than it has been. I am not sure if it is the pristiq or just the fact that there are a lot of stressful things going on right now.

My MIL brings up packing every single day and it is starting to stress me out about doing it. I have a plan in place and it’s really not any of her buisness how I plan on doing it, but there is something said that makes me want to pull my hair out.  Today her suggestion was to pack up and put our stuff in the garage. No flipping way that garage is gross I don’t want my stuff sitting out there getting moist and stinky.

I went to lunch today even though my anxiety wanted me to run the other way. I was uncomfortable the whole time and really couldn’t eat. The pristiq seems to be changing the way I feel hunger and the way I want to eat. Actually for the better cause I don’t get as hungry and can’t seem to eat all my food. So maybe I’ll start losing weight again.

Either way tomorrow will be interesting. It will prove if the being alone is really influencing my depression. I hope not cause there is no changing it.

 

So Much Time Alone

Being alone really doesn’t give me a true gauge of my feelings. Being alone makes me feel sad. Being alone doesn’t allow me to talk to anyone.

I’m on day two of the pristiq I am still depressed as far as I can tell. I don’t expect anything to happen yet. I don’t think it is making things worse.

My psychiatrist says I am very sensitive to medications so usually if something bad is going to happen then it will happen rather quickly. The good also usually happens sooner rather then later as well. This is both a pain and a good thing I suppose.

Tonight I am alone longer then usual as hubby had to go to a work dinner. It seems we are spending less and less time together these days. It makes me sad and it makes me worry. He isn’t treating me any differently but I can’t help that my mind always looks for the worse in everything. I’m very black and white..

hopefully it is just the depression and it will pass. Fingers crossed for the pristiq.

 

Almost Didn’t Post

Almost forgot to post. How can someone who has been posting every day forget?

My brain is so filled with depression and stress that I am not thinking clearly.  I am worried about everything for the house going smoothly. 16 more days to go and I’ll be in my own home but my mind can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong before then.

I went to my shrink today and she’s decided to add pristiq to my other meds, apparently it works really well with latuda so hopefully I will start to see a change for the better soon.

Today I ended up going back to bed and sleeping most of my day away, all I can hope for is to be more up tomorrow then today. I know it could get worse but I hope it doesn’t.

 

Why Depression, Why?

I awoke feeling sad and barely able to move. I managed to get out of bed but I’m fighting every single minute to not go back there and go to sleep.

I want to cry, I think I would if I had the energy to do it. I think I’ll take myself up on that nap.

I Have No Idea How I Feel

I woke up this morning, sad as usual and dragging myself out of the comfort of dreaming.

Right now I have no idea how I am feeling. I am by myself and that always gives me a low gauge on my emotions. Interacting always brings out how I am actually feeling. Usually Jim brings out the best of me even if I am depressed.

On a good note I have gotten a lot done today.

  • I got some painting done.
  • I did a drawing.
  • I cooked some sausage for dinner.
  • I did some laundry.
  • I put laundry away and tidied my room.

I think that puts me a little outside of depression but it’s only 3pm and I’m bored and lonely. Laundry takes a while to be done and do the rest. I ran out of paint and can’t work on my painting and dinner isn’t for a few hours to finish it. I think tomorrow I’ll start working out. Today I am gonna just watch some TV and wait for hubby to pick me up and take me to Michael’s and the house.

Moods are weird. Wish I could read them better.

So Fucking Blech

I didn’t wake up until after 11:00am and I really didn’t wan to get up. I still don’t want to be up. I’m just getting dragged down into the pits of despair and don’t want to do anything at all.

I don’t even want to post this blog but there is not way in hell I am going to stop when I am 6 days from writing every day for a year.

Screw this depression.

Fucking Depressed Again

Last night I started to feel blue. Just a little sad. There was no reason for it so I know my bipolar depression was trying to slam it’s heaad through the door.

Sometimes I can just sleep it off. However this morning I woke up twice as sad and I’m feeling very hopeless. I think I will just go back to bed. I see no reason to be awake and spend all day alone and miserable.

later..

New Medicine

Today was ok. I played some diablo and watched some TV. Got no painting done and really didn’t accomplish much. I did go see my shrink today and she gave me a medication that should help me focus more on things. I have a habit/problem of not being able to do anything for more than 5-15 mins. I think I might have ADD, she thinks it might be because of anxiety and the general bipolarity.

So the new medicine is what we are going to try and see if it can help with my general malaise. It’s supposed to make me feel more motivated and less irritable. We shall see. Honestly I am willing to try anything as long as my problems get better.

I trust my shrink. That’s more than I can say for most people.