happy

Good Things

likeable-blog-500-1xFirst off thank you for this. 500 Likes is rather amazing.  It makes me feel that I am not only writing how I feel but others can relate. Plus today is my 160th post. WoW!

 

 

 

 

Second off my Bestie suggested that I think about the positive things that are coming from the move to help with my stress.

So in list form though in no particular order.

 

 

  • I will be able to experience weather again
  • I am not embarrassed to go out and do things
  • I have family
  • I am moving closer to my BFF
  • I am going to be buying a home
  • I get to have another puppy
  • I get to travel through some beautiful places
  • I get to go to a place that feels like home.

 

Okay that is some positive. A lot actually. I am looking forward to the move and I think that it’s just the stress of change that so effects us bipolars that is hitting me. My husband has been wonderful and supportive trying to alleviate as much stress as possible. My BFF has been there for me even though she has been having some stress and depression of her own. I have a wonderful support system here on wordpress as well. much love.

 

What an Awesome Friday the 13th

I woke up this morning and was in a pretty good mood. Yesterday I was hypo-manic and it carried over to today allowing me to get things done and not giving a shit what people thought about me. I set 1 new goal and got some more of the packing done.

We leave in 12 days OMG, I’m so excited.  I get to see my BFF and travel through parts of the country I have never seen. I mean it’s scary to because we are traveling right down tornado all the way but I really can’t wait to get home! Plus it will be part of my goal to eat pie in every state HA! How is that for food obsessed.

Something awesomely weird happened at the grocery store today. I was walking through the produce isles and this woman says to me, “You are Damn Sexy”. I replied umm thank you and started to walk away when she then says, ” I call em like I see em and I noticed it the second you got out of your car “. Talk about an Ego boost. I’ve never been flirted with so blatantly by anyhow. I’ll take a compliment where I can get them.

Once we got home I was super gung-ho to get some more packing done but I made the mistake of getting a 1 liter Dr. Pepper. Neither the sugar or caffeine agreed with me and after about an hour I was shaking and sleepy and feeling majorly fucked up. Needless to say I went and had a nap. I really think I have to give them both up. I mean I do need to but this sort of just reinforced it.

Now to win the lottery! We got 2 tickets. I don’t need the millions just enough to pay off my bills would be just fine 😀

Hope everyone else had an good day as well!

 

Thank you so much!

This always makes me feel so incredibly shy and also incredibly wonderful. Thank you Dyane over at Birth of a New Brain for nominating me for my second Liebster.  I am horrible at making thankyou speeches though. So hugs and kisses and thanks from the heart. Following the rules here.

The four rules are as follows:

1) I must provide 11 facts about myself. This is hard for me becsause I find myself rather boring 😛

2) Answer 11 questions created by my nominating party Dyane.

3) Nominate 11 blogs

4) Provide them with 11 questions to answer!

 

Okay first 11 things about myself.

  1. I am terrified of tornados, yet want to live in the Midwest.
  2. I am the mother of a 29 year old woman and a six year old grand-daughter.
  3. I am the oldest child of 5.
  4. I wrote a song for a talent show when I was in brownies.
  5. I love to record myself singing so I can improve.
  6. I’m terrified of ticks and chiggers. Anything that imbeds in your skin actually.
  7. I am naturally blonde.
  8. I love to collect pens and notepads.
  9. I love to collect anything with Belle on it.
  10. I want Don’t Fear the Reaper Played at my funeral.
  11. I’m am either incredibly shy or incredibly outgoing ( I blame the bipolar )

Answering Dyane’s Questions to me:

1) What is your favorite color? Why?

Purple because it is always vibrant even at it’s darkest.

2) If you could have one wish, what would it be? Honestly I would to get rid of my bipolarity. I could live without the depressive and manic parts of it. Maybe I would just wish to be hypomanic all the time.

3) Pick a song that defines you. Why that song? Panic Attack by Dream Theatre. I always seem to be having some sort of anxiety or stress over something.

4) If you could travel to one place, where would you go? Does Europe count as one place? I admit it is a bit of a cheat, but they have the most remarkable architecture.

5) Who is your hero? Why? My BFF even though she is going through a tough time herself she still makes sure others are ok. She is always checking on me and she volunteers for animals. She is truly amazing.

6) What makes you smile? Wow this is a toughie, I suppose the thing that makes me smile most is my husband. Sounds kind of cheesy but the is wonderful and funny 😀

7) What made you chose the topic you blog about? You write what you know.  I know how my bipolarity makes me feel for the most part. Sometimes it does sneak up on me though.

8) If you could live any time period, when you would you chose?  I would easily choose the 1820’s. All those fancy balls gowns and the fact that you were chubby and pale was a  positive instead of a negative.

9) If you had to give up one of your senses, which would you chose? Hmmm this is a hard one. Actually no it isn’t I would give up taste.  Would make food a need instead of a want.

10) What was your favorite movie as a child? Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I was a dork from really early on lol.

11) What is your favorite way to unwind? Play Guitar Hero or Rock Band. I always wanted to be a musician and this lets me pretend that I am. 😛

 

Blogs I would like to nominate are :

  1. Glenn2point0
  2. LazyMoan
  3. Young and Twenty
  4. Stunned and Stunted
  5. Thinking about Life
  6. [Bi]polar Curious
  7. I Am My Own Island
  8. Bipolar and Broke
  9. Inside the Mind of a Borderline Mother
  10. Kelzbelzphotography
  11. Nectar Madness

 

Grapefruit!!!

So far the not taking anything is going ok. I am not having any weird withdrawal from the Lithium. I am still getting weepy once in a while but that started before I stopped taking it and may be more linked to my depression. Maybe I’m just feeling things, who knows.

I went out for a walk around the block by myself it’s about a mile and it seemed longer while I was walking it. I had on my iPhone listening to applause by Lady GaGa. It made me walk like a runway model. On the outside I would appear perfectly normal to people. On the inside well I am always fighting with myself as long I don’t start arguing with myself I am good lol.

It’s a beautiful day, I plan to go to the beach later, hopefully at sunset to get some nice pictures. I am really proud of myself for going out. It’s hard every time I take a step out of that door but I know it will get easier in time with practice.

The positive thing about being off of drugs is that I can have GRAPEFRUIT!!! I have missed it so much. It interacts with everything so to be able to sit down with a half a grapefruit and a spoon will be positively delightful.  I am picking some up tonight!

Friday hubby found out he is going to have to go out of town on the 11th-13th. I’m not happy about it. I’m stressed out about it. What if something happens to me emotionally. What if I have a breakdown? What if, what if?

I’ll deal with it though. I will post on my blog and remember that I am not truly alone. What a bad time to run  out of weed.. but what are you going to do right?

Goooo Grapefruit.

Long Ass Day

I have no idea what time I woke up but I slept for a few hours. I decided that I was going to go the doctors even if it made me super anxious. I had questions and insecurities to deal with.

I forgot to eat before we left so my stomach was understandably churning and I kept telling myself that was why I was nauseated. One of the things about my social anxiety is fears of throwing up in front of people. You can say the doctor is the best place to throw up but for me that just doesn’t click. Anyhow I was only in the waiting room for about 5 minutes before I was taken to room. I was honestly surprised since I was a walk-in.

The nurse was not really that friendly though he was a bit of eye-candy.  Would have been cuter if he was friendly. He did the whole blood pressure and temp thing which I was pleased was fairly normal.  Then I waited for close to an hour for a doctor to come and see me.

I have hay fever. It’s making my eyes, ears, nose, throat and a couple other places messed up. So I guess I’ll be adding some over the counters to my daily regimen.

Anyhow that was pretty boring right..

*if you are under 18 don’t read below*

I have this thing that happens every so often and it is honestly really remarkable but I wanted to make sure that it didn’t mean something was wrong with me. This morning I woke up to an intense orgasm. *look ma no hands*. My body just did it to itself. I knew it happened to men but apparently it can happen to women too. This is the 4th time this has happened. I’m sharing because well do I not share what’s going on with my day. Also it started my day off in a good mood for a change. Not sure if it will last but I can say what a nice way for it to start LOL.

I was up until at least 6:00am hubby stayed up with me while we started watching Arrow.. Good show so far. He got pissed at me though cause every five minutes I would ask him to scratch my back. I’m itchy. Not so bad right now but I am trying to learn to moisturize and maybe wear sun screen since I already have a horrible scar on my back from skin cancer..   I’ll show it sometime.. anyhow.. ya that was my long ass day.

 

Another Award Wow Thank You!

liebster-awardI am stunned and excited to have received two awards so close together. I feel blessed as I never thought anyone would really read my blog and the fact that someone has and has enjoyed it makes me so happy.  Thank you I Am My Own Island

There are rules with this award and sadly I am going to be breaking one of them as the blogs a lot of the blogs I would have nominated have already been done.

The rules of this award are as follows:

1. Link back to the blogger who nominated you.

2. Answer the 11 questions they gave you.

3. Nominate 11 other blogs with less than 200 followers.

4. Let those blogs know that you nominated them by leaving a comment on their blog. .

5. Give your nominees 11 questions to answer.

My Answers To the 11 Questions are Below.

  1. What was your best year and why? Spring is my best time of year, it usually brings out the hypomania and gives me a lot of energy to get things done.
  2. How did you decide the name of your blog? Honestly it just popped into my head.. No thought about it, it just suited me.
  3. What book would you recommend to read or a movie to watch? And why? I’m Torn I would probably say Galaxy Quest as it’s hilarious even when you are down in the dumps.
  4. Do you believe recovery is possible? (I ask this due to the kind blogs I picked) I’m unsure if there is. I haven’t felt like it in the past and even now I wonder how full of a life I will be able to lead but I hope so and hope is what keeps us all going.
  5. When you have trouble falling asleep? what do you do? Every night and I try to do things that calm my mind, play spa music, watch tv, lay there and think (this one is dangerous though)
  6. Do you have a hobby and how did you decide on it? I have several hobbies, most decided while I was hypomanic. Painting is my favorite though and I’ve learned to start liking what I paint which helps a lot.
  7. Do you have social media you’d like people to follow? I have a face book page and twitter that are the same name. Mostly they just announce the blog for now.
  8. If you could meet anyone on the planet who would it be? Pharrel he seems like a kind soul.
  9. Last meal you ate what did you have? Turkey Dinner blech
  10. Do you have any pets? I have two dog, Ren (we call her monkey) and Charlie they are more like our kids then pets though. We will be adding a third in the next few months
  11. DO  you have a favorite commercial (like I love the snickers ones): I love the old spice commercial in the bowling alley. Not sure why but it makes me giggle.

 

Blogs I am nominating are:

1)Crazy Runs Deep

2) Lazy Moan

3) A Ruined Life

4) Next Left Sanity Station

I wish I had 11.

The 11 Questions for the People Above to Answer Are:

  1. What made you want to start writing your blog?
  2. What is your favorite memory smell?
  3. Do you still have a toy or item that was given to you when you were a child? What is it?
  4. Do you think reading others blogs help you?
  5. What is your favorite song? Why?
  6. Has writing always been something you enjoyed?
  7. What is your favorite TV Show or Movie?
  8. If you could meet one person from the present or the past who would it be?
  9. Do you find you are more creative on certain days?
  10. What would your very last meal be?
  11. Do you believe recovery is possible? (had to steal this one)

Pleased take the time to check out these blogs and others they might enjoy. It’s like being part of a family. Even if we are all a little off 😉

 

Is Being Happy Is Tiresome?

I’ve been perkily happy the last little while I think that it has to do with being off the lamictal and less stress in our lives. Honestly finding out that we were moving sooner just lifted layers off me. I am sure no one is eager to live with their mother in law for a time but it will get us the house we want. I really need to pay off all the cc cards I filled from the previous blog post.

We are hoping to buy by October. Halloween is my favorite holiday bar none. I always did the house up, got the large candy bars for the kids and occasionally dressed up myself. It’s a wonderful holiday in the Midwest cause everything smells so earthy, the leaves are falling and it makes everything sort of creepy. I get so excited thinking about it. We’ll need furniture but I think I would rather worry about decorating the house the right way. Then there is Christmas another wonderful house decorating time.. eeeee I am so excited!

I do have moments where I wonder if I am happy like this all the time will I just get annoying? I feel like I might. I am positively bubbly and perky. Have a ton of energy and want to do things. I wonder what the hubby thinks, am afraid to ask. I don’t know how long it will last and I don’t want to jinx it by being stupid. Lord knows that happens to me a lot. I can’t just go with the flow.

I’ve decided once we move I am giving up the mmorpg’s hopefully for good. All our stuff will be in storage so I’ll only have my laptop to write my blog on and maybe more of the book I am trying to write.. Could be very good for me… we’ll see right now I am just freaking myself out cause I am smiling.. weirdness.

I Saw A Possum

We decided to take the dogs for a walk this afternoon and Charlie got on the scent to something, pulling at the leash, while I am trying to get Ren to move at all.. All of a sudden I hear.. it’s a possum.. and it was! I’ve never seen one in a non-zoo environment before so I was interesting as we steered clear of the sharp pointy teeth.. It didn’t look pissed but I remembered hearing how nasty they could be..

Today I am in the mixed episode kind of place, sickenly happy then terribly sad and teary.. I hate this place.. I honestly should be just happy. My husband is being so wonderful. I did such a great job in Las Vegas and I’ve set my diet plans for Monday and I’ve decided I am going to write my book, even if I only do it for 15 minutes a day. I want to accomplish that in my life.

I don’t want to go back down again… I like being up here…  I’m scared

Things Are Actually Pretty Great Right Now

I have been in a pretty amazing mood today, jovial would be a great one word description. I went out and did some clothes shopping at Target!! I was so happy with myself for doing it and so loved to be able to touch and smell the clothing before I got it. I mean Amazon rocks but you can’t compare it to actually being able to be 100% positive you got the right size.

Yes shopping is my addiction of choice but I didn’t go overboard and got a few cute outfits for Las Vegas. I am hoping that I will be able to wear more than one out, if things stay up that is a good possibility. I tend to not be so anxious when I am like this. Plus I don’t completely hate myself right now which is more than a little unusual but I’ll take any of the positive things that come my way.

I have my bag all packed and ready to go, does it say something that I am bring a duffle bag and hubby is bring a medium suitcase? lol A girl can never be too prepared. Shoes and makeup and clothes and jewelry and hair stuff. When I do myself up for his mom’s wedding I might get him to take a picture so I can post it to the blog. We’ll see how that goes.

Either way I will be writing each night from our Hotel room and plan on sharing how everything is going.  I’m going to go do something creative now. TTFN

Better Than Yesterday

My mood is better than it was yesterday that is for sure.  I was even socializing in my game, making jokes. Definite improvement.

I have some horrible insomnia again but that’s okay. I sleep so much when I am depressed that I miss out on life and what is going on.

Tonight we had an earthquake in SoCal and it made our apt shake for about 10 mins, it was rather exciting and scary. I had a little bit of a panic attack because of it but didn’t take any meds, just breathed my way though it. I was pretty proud of myself for that. It’s amazing how much I freak out when I don’t have pills, yet some how much calmer I am when I know they are there just in case.

I think if I am up to it I will convince hubby to take me up to the forest. I think the dogs should be fine by themselves for a little while as I want to see a few things before I leave Cali for good. (or until we win the lottery and can afford to live here)

Speaking of which, hubby talked to his boss and apparently we will have the full details on Monday. We’ll see I am not going to hold my breath on this. I mean they need my husband to do his magic so I assume they are going to let us do what we want. We’ll see though. It’s so stressful for me to not be knowing what we are doing. Most would say the worst that could happen is things don’t change. I need a house though. I am so tired of apartment living.  I am sure some of you can relate. I never feel like I am stable or can put down roots, which seems to be so important to our mental health. Stability, yes that would be nice.

Til tomorrow.